: Blog Posts

Tis the Season!

Meg Wilson

The holidays can be a mixed bag with the joy of giving, renewed traditions, Christmas activities and time with friends and family. For many, the shopping is a burden, all of the activities a heavy load, and time with family is an emotional mine field. This time of year which should be a joy filled, becomes something to endure instead.

The steady barrage of images of fun family times, stores offering the perfect gift, and movies that wrap up the season into a simple happy ending, can leave many feeling outside of all the merriment. When you are in the midst if hard times, pain and loss, the last thing you need is to be surrounded by joyfulness.

Everyone at some point will have a year when Christmas isn’t a welcome time. It’s okay, better days are coming, but to try to pretend takes a lot of energy. If you are busy happy and full of Christmas spirit, you can skip this blog and go do your holiday baking. But if you are like so many feeling more like Scrooge, then keep reading.

I don’t have a tonic or easy answer, but I would say give yourself permission to step back. Take a look at all the activities that feel like a burden and put some down. The world will continue to function if you don’t send out that Christmas card or letter. Your friends will not die if you don’t make those favorite holiday cookies. In fact, I would say focus on relationships as you trim back that “to do” list.

Give yourself permission to say no to that holiday party and to be honest about not feeling in a holiday mood. You may be surprised to find kindred spirits who are also struggling. Don’t be ashamed if you don’t have the money to buy all those “perfect” gifts. No one remembers all they received even the next week. Contrary to ever commercial your will see, stuff doesn’t matter, only people do.

Focus on the One who Christmas is named for and what it should be all about. Kneel before the manger and ponder a new the humility it took for Christ to lay aside heaven and come to earth as a helpless babe. Remember the pain and loss he suffered for you. Then take His hand during this season and ask Him to show you how He sees it all. There are deep truths to be unearthed under all the wrappings and trappings.

One of the wildest lessons I have learned is that pain is a gift. God uses it to draw us to His side, to teach us about His perfect character and our flawed ones. If not for the trials of life, the gift of salvation would be nothing more than another promise in a sea of “money back guarantees.” Feeling the desperation of a situation, can lead you into the arms of hope. Put down all the packages and reach out for the arms of your heavenly Father. Place at His feet the gift of your hurts and a sacrifice of praise. It will be the best Christmas gift ever!

Glory to God in highest and goodwill toward men!

Impressions

Meg Wilson

It’s been a crazy fall. Just got back from three weeks in Europe sandwiched between two weeks in California. I’m done with traveling for a while. Of course it was a wonderful trip with a friend, but a long time away from my husband.

I lived in England when I was a teenager and had not been back since. Though I didn’t make it back to Great Britain, it was wonderful to see Ireland, Austria, and lots of Germany. It was the trip of a lifetime. I also reconnected with two high school friends.

I am always surprised at how different others see us sometimes. One of my friends confessed to being envious of me and thinking everything I did was perfect. My jaw dropped because she was the cheerleader and cute and funny. I was the bag of insecurities in my mind. God has shown me more than once how my trying to cover my own flaws gave the impression of having it all together.

It’s such a good reminder of why it’s so important to live in the truth and be authentic and vulnerable. When I am honest about my struggles, it gives other permission to do the same. The best part is I am not fostering insecurities in others. One of the best lessons is that no one “has it all together” and it’s why we need a Savior! The ground is level at the foot of the cross.

So, if you are feeling insecure, or less than, be of good cheer and take it to the Lord. If there is someone you think has it all, then know they are probably working really hard to cover their own insecurity. Pray for them and praise God for the freedom we have in Christ.

Progress!

Meg Wilson

Thanks to all who prayed! The book is coming along and I am in the home stretch. Of course finishing the first draft is only the beginning. The real work comes in the writing, re-writing, editing, and revising. For me, writing is not a quick process. It's an object lesson. It keeps me dependent on the One who will give me strength to complete the work set before me.We all have a purpose.

There is a temptation to focus on the end result, the reward, but I have found God is all about the process. As a recovering perfectionist, I am reminded again and again, the real treasure is in the journey and the lessons learned along the way. Instead of focusing on the goal, I try to focus on the progress. So, I'm on chapter 13 and over 130 pages are behind me, but God is moving me along meeting me at every turn.

Whatever you are working on or wrestling with, remember the strength for each day will come from God. He often calls us to tasks that feel out of our reach because then we will look to Him and know we could not have done them on our own. The best news is God is more about our growth. He does not see failure if there is progress and He uses everything for good. So, reach out to Him today and let Him walk you through your day.

New Chapter

Meg Wilson

Thanks to all who prayed, my husband has a new job and it's a great fit--yay God!

Where is the time going? I have not written in a while. I do the same thing to God. Life get’s clipping along with no major hurdles and I think, “I’ve got this, God.” Then another bump in the road throws me off kilter. It’s funny I long to be consistent with Christ, but life just seems to have hills and valleys. Weather you are up or down, our Lord wants to share it. Just like we want to hear from our good friends and those we love.

Time apart does make the heart grow fonder. I do feel the drought sooner when I have been going on my own too long. The irony is I’m filling my time with what I feel God calling me to do. I am working on a historical fiction story that has been in my head for over 10 years. This is the first time I have had the freedom to do it. But I can’t do it on my own.

There are some writer’s who churn out books and have an amazing gift. Francine Rivers is my all time favorite and she could write and sell books before she was a believer. My work can come only with the help of the Holy Spirit. Of course Redeeming Love, the first book Francine wrote as a believer is still much loved and clearly has the hand print of God on it. But her path is not my path. God has given me something to say and placed the gift before me to take hold of along with His hand as I walk in obedience.

For this reason, I ask for your prayers. That my schedule will stay open this summer and that I can move my thoughts out of the way enough to hear His. Pray that the characters will feel real and that their story will have impact. Most of all I pray that God’s love and truth are the foundation. I encourage you too to find the gift God has for you or rekindle an old love. He delights in what we delight in. He is a loving Father that enjoys blessing the socks off His kids!

Stay tuned, and I will give you a taste of the story later this summer. :)

Honk, Honk!

Meg Wilson

When we downsized into our town home, I was happy to see we still had some wild life in the field behind our home. After living beside a greenbelt, I was used to the deer, rabbits, and various birds that would visit. They were like little messages of love from God. The deer would show up in the strangest places, like crossing the main drag in Lincoln City. It got to the point that my friends who knew, and were often with me when they showed up, were convinced I would see deer in New York City. I haven’t tested their theory yet.

So, when the first deer showed up, no one was surprised. But my God likes to show off and one evening when we were having friends over for dinner, three bucks showed up. We were all amazed and knew it was a divine visit. Since then, I have seen bunnies and have a finch feeder that is full of beautiful yellow birds all summer long. But God hasn’t stopped there.

For several months of the year, our back field is full of Canadian geese. They are beautiful large birds and they always stay together. So, when they are resting it’s quiet, but when they all take off, the cacophony grows as they encourage each other. I love to watch them fly in V formations and hear their joyful honks. I realized the other day, as I was praying for a friend, I didn’t have anything profound to say that would ease her pain, but I thought I could maybe honk some encouragement. It worked.

I realized that the best thing we can offer each other on this journey that includes joy and pain is to fly together. When someone has fallen back, we can take the wind for a while until we get tired. Then when they are stronger, they can fly forward to take the resistance. All the while, we honk words of encouragement. Like, “You are not alone.” and, “I’ve know what you are going through.”

So, with this in mind, I decided to join the world of Twitter. I must confess to thinking it’s just one more thing to manage. Then I realized it might be a great tool to honk to others on this journey. So, if you are on Twitter, then look for me under hopegirl428. (My name was already taken.) I look forward to sending out tweets that encourage. I will call them honks instead. Look for someone you can honk at too. It’s amazing the difference it makes. Honk, honk!

Amazing Conference

Meg Wilson

I got back this weekend from speaking at a women's conference in Bothel, WA. The conference was for women who's huband's struggle with SA. It was a one day conference and there were over 100 women there. It was such a reminder of how pervasive this issue is and how few churches are willing to tackle the topic head on.

I heard over and over, women wishing there were more support groups and more resources. I decided when I get back from vacation to put all the conferences I know of, on the website as a resource. One woman came all the way from PA to be there. I love how women will do whaterve it takes to get help once they know there is a problem. So I ask that if you read this and know of an annual conference that deals specifically with this issue, please send me and email. I don't want to leave any out and I only know of a few.

Weather you are new to this journey or have been on the healing path for years, be encouraged and continue to ask God to reveal resources and people who will propell you down that healing path. So many women are suffering in silence in every church. Pray for God to continue to bring this issue into the spotlight. Pray too about how you can be a resource. Keeo your eyes open to the women God puts in your path. If every woman helped just one or two other women, what a power impact that would have.

It feels like a new season as I go on vacation, my hearts cry is to hear from God. What does He want this new chapter to look like. What is He calling me to do next. I covet your prayers as I rest, and reflect and give thanks to God for all He has done already. I will be praying to for all of you and your healing journey too. We serve and amazing God. I don't know how you can navigate life without Him!

Inspiration

Meg Wilson

Where does inspiration come from? Sometimes I wonder where I can go to get a spark of an idea. Other times, the ideas flow in sheets and it's hard to get them all down on paper. The last several months have felt like a dry season. Clouds are forming and I sense moisture in the air, but still nothing really certain.

I am in a "between" space. As I wait for my husband to find a job and my youngest daughter to move into her own place, having found a job. There are things in the works and I see movement. Above all, I trust the Lord to be guiding us and working on our behalf even when I don't see Him. He feels quieter right now, though I have no doubt He is present.

I was trying to describe how I feel to my husband and he reminded me of several issues I'm dealing with right now that are draining energy. I have a couple of relationships that are out of balance and I'm trying to navigate choppy waters and it is draining. I don't feel motivated or inspired right now. I have thought about writing a blog for weeks, but I feel like I have nothing new to say.

Then yesterday I went to the home of a local artist. She is a young mom and allowed me and a couple of friends into her studio. As we went around the room, there was a musician, master gardener, a painter, and myself a writer. She talked about what moves her to create and the ebb and flow from her canvas to her audience. Gradually, there was a drop of inspiration forming. Then I remembered all the emails I have received from women who have been impacted by my book and some drops began to form.

As we said our good byes and left, it was raining all the way home. I was able to soak in her creative space and remember wetter times and believe that movre were coming. So, the dryness isn't fully saturated, but I felt refreshed and reminded that the Creator of all inpiration is still busy at work. I saw Him in the eyes of another, and remembered He is in me too even when I don't feel Him.

If you are in a dry place, it's okay. It doesn't mean that you have done anything wrong. (The enemy will try to accuse you.) Sometimes it means your energy needs to be used for healing or resolving some issue. As much as I love the rain and the new life it produces, the dry times serve a purpose too. I'm learning to give thanks in all kinds of weather, because God's love is consistent, steadfast, and certain!

Merry Christmas!

Meg Wilson

I do love this time of year!

One of my favorite pastimes is to sit in our living room when it's dark with only the tree lights and fireplace glowing. There is something magical about all the little lights and the way the ornaments sparkle. I think it brings me back to the anticipation of Christmas morning; waiting for my parents to get up. My sister and I often rose before the sun, out of sheer excitement.

I'm fully aware that Christmas can bring back sad memories too for those whose family situations were less than desirable. I invite you to reclaim this holy season. Make a new tradition that points directly back to your spiritual roots at the manger. Where in a dirty stable, with little light amid earthy aromas, a beautiful babe was born, the promised One, the ultimate Present--Jesus Christ.

If you have never invited Him into the mess of your own stable, I can think of no better time. He makes all things beautiful in His time. The best part is He takes us in whatever condition we come to him. He sees past it all to the potential that was placed in us before we were born. He simply asks that we invite Him in to lead us there.

Replace the dread of family squabbles and holiday havoc with the awesome anticipation of all the Heavenly Hosts that silent night. Let the glow of every little light be a reminder of the light that was born on that day to illuminate a dark world, one dark heart at a time. Take tame to put down your Christmas "To Do" list and sit and listen. Maybe when you get tired at the mall you can find a bench and watch the people as they go by. Pray for those God lays upon your heart and ask Him to give you His eyes for His children.

There is nothing greater than to know the king of Kings, lord of Lords and Maker of the Universe laied down all the riches and power of heaven to dwell among us and to demonstrate a love I will spend my whole life trying to understand. This is the true gift of Christmas. Everything else fades into the background when you focus on His light and everything else sparkles in the presence of His light.

Blessings this Christmas as you seek His face!

Another Bump

Meg Wilson

I wish I could write a new principle I've learned, but to be honest it feels like one of those backward steps we sometimes take. One of the most difficult aspects of being married is that what one person does impacts the other. You are simply too close to be unaffected. My husband is wrestling with core questions about God and as much as I would love to scream the answers to him, I know he has to find them for himself. I'm sure my time would be better spent on what God has for me in this space. :)

The challenge comes when my security rests on his finding the truth. Of course, my ultimate security rests in Christ, but there is the practical daily stuff that is very much affected by the person I live with. So, for today, I simply ask for your prayers. I need wisdom to know when to speak and when to be quiet. I long to hear God's voice. I pray Dave sees God, hears Him, and feels His presence too. I pray that he can see me. Pray too for next Sunday.

We are to share our story and I'm feeling less than ready. Of course, we can talk about the very real victories we have had, but it's hard when you are battle weary. The enemy would love for us to fold, but greater is He that is in us and he that is in the world! Thanks for your prayers!

Sacrifice of Praise

Meg Wilson

At the recent Betrayal Redeemed conference it struck me again, the fresh pain and the brave women who come for hope and encouragement. As we sang worship songs together mingled with tears, I thought this is what a sacrifice of praise looks like. It's when your heart is broken and part of you is wondering where is God and how could He let this happen?

Then in the face of His truth and in the presence of other hurting women we find a thread of faith and hold onto it and sing the praises someone else wrote. That thread says there is a way through the pain. God has not forsaken me. And I believe He is worth my praise beyond my circumstances. God then looks down and smiles as His children take one step closer to Him. He reaches down and places His loving arms around us. Can you hear Him saying, "Dear one, I understand your pain. I see every bit and count every tear. Hold on to me because I can use this, even though it wasn't my choice."

Anger and fear keeps us from the sweet presence of the Only One who can help us. Take a step of faith today and turn on some praise music. He inhabits the praises of His people. Soak in the words of the song and make it your prayer. Attach your heart to the One who is eternal and, "the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace."

Load Bearer

Meg Wilson

Do you know where the load bearing walls of your house are? If you’re not familiar with this term, you should not attempt to renovate or remove any walls from your home until you are. Not every wall, carries the full weight of the roof so they can be removed or changed without a lot of concern. There are other walls however, that are necessary to maintain the soundness of the structure because they bear and distribute the weight of the roof or floor above. These are called weight or load bearing walls removing one of these can cause a building to collapse.

For too many years, I have been the load bearing wall of our family. Other members looked to me for answers. At times I felt like the human inventory expected to know where every random article that someone needed could be located. If there is a problem, I felt responsible. If someone was upset, I felt the need to help. Being the weight bearer is exhausting but secretly rewarding too. If feeds a deep need to be accepted and wanted.

There are a lot of us out there and the church is full of us. Churches love to reward us for our efforts because we are the first to volunteer and carry the load at this house too. Now not all volunteering is weight bearing. We do each have a responsibility to carry the load God calls us to carry. The challenge is waiting to hear form Him verses carrying everything I see in an attempt to be accepted, worthy, seen, productive, etc.

It’s taken time, but God has showed me little by little how much of what I do is not mine. In fact, my good intentions of helping often enable and disable those I love. You see the only load bearing walls should be Christ, God, Holy Spirit, and His Word. These can carry the weight and know how to distribute it appropriately.

God started by showing me that when I volunteer without prayer, I may be doing a job designed for someone else. Not only do I rob them of the blessing, I can’t do the task as well as the person it was designed for. So I learned to answer any request with, “Let me pray about that.” There are times, He has prepared me for a request ahead and I know I’m to say yes, but it doesn’t hurt to still pray first. I don’t want to carry more than I was created to carry.

The next thing He showed me was how much I do for my family that is not mine. Each member has a part in the family and their own responsibilities. I enable them to be lazy and dependent when I do what is theirs to do. They may not like the job, but that’s okay, it’s all part of the learning process and so is failing. As a mom, I didn’t want my girls to fail, but God showed me that it’s my job to teach them how to deal with failures. Home should be a safe place to learn that there is no failure in God’s eyes. He uses it all for our growth and His glory.

This next season is showing me that even though I keep my mouth shut more, and ask others to do their share, I still carry the emotions of the family. I can feel the anxiety when the girls are facing a trial. I take on their fears and wrestle with their issues in my

New Season

Meg Wilson

My husband and I recently returned from a two week vacation--heaven. We have never had this kind of time together. It was a gift from God and the timing was perfect since we are right in the middle of a huge season change. As I mentioned in the last blog, he is in the process of looking for a new career.

I have to admit I questioned whether it was a good idea to go on vacation, shouldn’t we be “doing” something. Thankfully, my husband wisely said, “If we wait until I have a new job, that's all I will be thinking about.” In addition, we had the money set aside so we were not using his severance. In fact, his official last day of work was while we were away, so it really was a perfect pocket for rest provided by God. I'm so glad we took advantage of it.

When we left, my husband and I were not in a great space. There was a wall between us that needed to be dismantled. It took several days, but God chipped away at it until there was a breakthrough. The last half of our trip was spent in awe of His love and a growing excitement for what might be next. I can't remember the last time we spent dreaming about our future. The take away for me was a wonderful reminder of God's gift of rest.

He asks us to take it at least once a week in the form of a Sabbath. I get so wrapped up in the busyness of life and the desire to "do something" for God when what He desires is my heart and presence. This is His greatest gift--Himself. In the restful place, I saw anew His lavish love and felt His gentle presence. There is never a demanding tone to His voice, on the contrary, more often He is calling me into His rest asking me to sit with Him and listen. Most of my demands, I put on myself.

Christ died so I could live in freedom. Our trip was a good reminder that freedom is like a scale, as long as I'm centered on Christ there is balance. Once my focus becomes what life throws at me then things begin to tilt. Consistently, laying it down at the foot of the cross so that Christ can show me what to do will keep me from tipping. Most of the time He simply gives me a new perspective on the "burden" I put before Him, but I never walk away with a "to do" list. It's more of a "to be" list.

I pray you find this pocket of peace today as you take a few minutes, sit down with a cup of tea and unload. Let Him have all that weighs you down. Then listen, and see what He does. This is not as easy as it sounds. It takes practice to stop and be quiet. It is a discipline to turn down the noise in your head enough to hear the still small voice. Start with even five minutes of time. Listen to a worship song and then feel yourself stop and rest. Then add to the time.

I pray it will become a part of each day, week and year and you find balance. Even if you don't have to money to travel each year, be creative. You can turn your home into a haven by setting aside time to rest with no calls, TV, or work. Ask God to provide the space. He loves to be generous. I have good friends going to Hawaii on passes given by a friend, staying in a condo of another friend at a reduced rate with some cash gifted by yet another friend.

Make this a new season of rest and unwrap the gift God created for you to enjoy.

Pocket of Change

Rich Snyder

A lot has happened since my last post. My husband took a voluntary severance package and is out of a job. My youngest daughter graduated college and is back home with us also looking for a job. I finally started to write a historical novel that's been in my head for about ten years.

Next week, our daughter will go to Slovakia on a mission trip and Dave and I will get two weeks in Hawaii. The future is a huge quesion mark right now, but the amazing part is I'm not paniced. Of course I have my moments, but for the most part I feel God's leading all of the changes.

As I was about to launch on line classes, they were feeling more and more like a burden and commitment I wasn't ready to make. The time to write, prepare, and do powerpoint for each one would end up like a part time job. As much as I feel for the ladies who do not have local resources I trust God to guide them to the right counselors, mentors, and materials.

I do want to provide a place where women can get some answeres, so I'm adding a "Ask Meg" tab where ladies can send me their questions. I will then post the question and my answer (the author of the question will remain annonymous) under a FAQ section. This way, I hope to address some of the specifics they may not find elsewhere.

This feels like a good compromise and will enable me to continue following God's leading on this book. I ask for your prayers as I proceed. The setting is Portland, OR in the late 1800's. If you think of it, pray too for this next chapter in the lives of my family. It's exciting and a bit scary. I try to focus on all the ways God has shown His love for us and remember He's not going to pull His hand away now!

Invisible Slum, by Meg Wilson

Meg Wilson

She walks by, beautifully put together, but I smell it.

The result of living so long in the muck is the ability to recognize it’s putrid stench.

From the moment of our birth, filth sticks to us until the unwanted tattoo is imbedded.

The small sweet voice is drowned out by the screams of other victims. The whisper dissipates--forgotten.

“Ugly”, “Stupid”, “Unwanted”, “Broken”, “Ruined”, “Used Up”, and “Worthless”--these are the streets on which we live.

We despise the homes we live in and curse the intimate details that make us unique longing instead for the house next door.

We paint, decorate, renovate, and remodel striving to be like another all the while feeding our neighbors dissatisfaction.

Who will rescue us?

Some seek to tear others down. Some seek the distraction of addictions while the foundations continue to crumble.

Is there Someone who can see beyond the destruction and carnage?

You lifted me out of the cesspool called, “Less Than” though residue remains, a badge of honor and reminder of the miraculous work You do.

She walks by, I smell her pain and see the debris.

Give me Your strength to lift her head, and point her toward the road called, “Health.”

Turn up the volume on Truth and silence the lies.

Splash us with Your grace, cleans us by Your Spirit, and hose us with Living Water.

Walk with us and cleanse our eyes to see others ready to be redeemed.

There is another way and a safer place.

Feeling Behind!

Meg Wilson

It's been longer than I like since my last post, I have a growing to-do list, and I still don't have the online classes together. So please forgive me. I just got badk from CA and my youngest daughter's graduation from college. I'm still not sure how I feel because it's a strange combination of emotions swirling around. Of course, I'm proud of her, but it also feels like the end of an era.

My husband found out that his company is down-sizing and he took a voluntary exit package. The good news is we have time to really discover what God has for us in this new season. The reality is there is also fear and uncertainty in these tough economic times. Again, many feelings are competing for my heart.

So, we walk, as always, in faith thankful for those who pray on our behalf and mindful all our Loving Father has done already. Please know that on line classes are coming and so much more. Dave and I are in a good place, though many around us are in crisis. So pray for our continued strength as we minister and seek His will. Thanks for the grace when I'm feeling behind!

Don't Forget

Meg Wilson

After eight years of recovery, there is still so much to learn about our unfathomable God. I know we live in a broken world. I understand there there will always be another bump in the road and pain is unavoidable. Life is where I live out what I know about God and who I am in Him. My passion is to try to stay in the arena of truth, where my eyes are on God and my feet planted in the center of His will.
    A while back, I told God I was willing to go wherever necessary in order for Him to strengthen my husband’s relationship with him. Then I braced myself for more hard work. Dave has been living in fear for as long as I’ve known him. Though he has been free from the SA for the last eight years, fear still had a grip on his heart. It’s hard to watch and I confess, I have said way more than I should when praying pays much better dividends.
    We were co-presenters with Earl & Sandy Wilson for the Marriage Redeemed conference last weekend. What a privilege to get to invest in dozens of couples willing to give up a Saturday. My prayer is that the went home with some things to talk about, some tools, and of course some more hope. Even as we prepared, Dave and I wrestled with the mounting pressure due to an increase in travel for work. He’s wanted to look for a job, but it’s hard to find the time when he is out of town over half the time.
    We both felt like it was time for Dave to leave, and I was afraid God was going to make it really clear by taking away his job. God did, but in a way I could not have imagined. It has been such a gentle process. Dave got the news that his company were cutting the sales force by almost half. But miraculously, the company offered an enhanced severance package for those who qualify and there was even some benefits for those who qualified. Dave qualified for both!
    Now, he still has to find a job, but he can work at it full time with the confidence that the bills will be paid for a full year. Please pray for Dave to find a job that will better use his gifts and that he will love! Pray that he finds it quickly, because we could then use the severance to pay off out kids student loans.
    I realized, in the wake of all the SA stuff, I forgot that God doesn’t just get us through while we hang on by a thread. He is a loving Father who love’s to bless His kids. We have been working so hard to get healthy and put our finances in order and give back to others struggling, that I forgot God doesn’t need anything from me and I can never earn His love! It was a good reminder that this work we are doing is worth it and don’t forget to ask your heavenly Father not only to walk with you, but to be generous! Just as sure as there are other bumps in the road, there are also streams of mercy and blessing as well.

Wow!

Meg Wilson

As the distance was growing in my relationship with my husband and his traveling for work taking it’s toll, I cried out to a friend. She listened and suggested I call on my prayer warriors. As soon as she said it, I knew it was from God. Why hadn’t I asked for help? Why am I surprised that there is spiritual pressure when I know God has called us to be a part of His eternal work?

We are getting ready to help with a couples conference called “Marriage Redeemed” of course the enemy would love to disqualify us and that’s just what we were feeling. I was in a pit of loneliness wondering why we were even asked to do that which we are so clearly not ready to do. Then I sent out the email to my prayer warriors; a special group of ladies who have proven themselves to be faithful and to care about me. They are from different seasons of my life and live all over the U.S. but they understand the importance of prayer.

Even as a few encouraging answers were coming back, I sat down and felt like I should read from my devotional since I had not this morning. Here is what I read:

        Rest in Me. Seek this evening time (He even knew I would not read this in the morning--amazing!) just to be with Me. Do not feel that you have failed if sometimes I ask you only to rest together in My Presence.
        I am with you, much with you both (this was for me and Dave), not only at these times (when we are apart) at all times. Feel conscious of My Presence. Earth has no greater joy than that. (Loneliness is not from Him.)
        I am the heart’s great Interpreter. Even souls that are the nearest together
    have much in their natures that remain a sealed book to each other, and only as I enter and control their lives, do I reveal to each the mysteries of the other.
        Each soul is so different--I alone understand perfectly the language of each, and can interpret between the two.

            [God Calling, by Two Listeners (Edited by A.J. Russell) Barbour - 1998]

Even as I type, I’m amazed at how God personally addressed the deepest questions in my soul with regard to my marriage and His plan. I knew Christ wanted to be in the center, but this idea of His Spirit interpreting between Dave and I is mind-blowing. God must be first and my husband will never fill the space meant for my Lord. I love how God reminds me in ever increasing ways that whatever the issue is, the answer is found in Him. The best thing I can do is get out of the way and invite Christ in to do the work I can not!!! Will I ever stop striving to do that which is not mine to do?? I hope so.

Thank you Lord for loving me enough to walk beside me even in my unhealthiness even as I misinterpret my circumstances, misunderstand Your heart, and try to fill the void with things other than You. The way you patiently wait and gently lead only when I have asked for your help is a picture of amazing restraint, love, and grace. I will never get tired of experiencing this personal intimate care. Nor will I ever stop telling others about the God I know and love.

May I never forget the importance of inviting my sisters to pray and praying for them. I love hearing & seeing how You work the same in every life yielded and inclined to grab Your helping hand. If you are in a lonely place, I pray for God will reach down and touch your heart in a personal way today.

Sweet Tears

Meg Wilson

Last week I went to Messianic Jewish service. Hoping to soak up some of the culture and add dimension to the Easter service, I received so much more. Even though Easter was over according to the Jewish calendar, the service was what I needed. Being in a dry place right now, not fully planted in a church body, I was so pleased when a friend called and suggested we go.

The service started with the sharing of a blessing as we said, “Shabbat Shalom” (peaceful Sabbath) to each other. The Pastor would sing in Hebrew and then translate. This was the language of the New Testament, this was holy ground. As I sat watching some of the congregation worshiping as they danced to the side. The Spirit of God was so evident He was palpable. I was overwhelmed as the music played and at the simplicity of the scene. I could imagine that the Jews in exile looked much the same when they worshiped in the desert.

As the tears flowed, I tried to soak it all in. At one point, a tear rolled down my face, onto my lips as I sang. It struck me that it wasn’t salty, but sweet. I remember someone sharing that tears of joy are not the same chemical make up as tears of sadness. I don’t know why, but it made sense that there was no bitterness in these special drops of joy. I felt like I was home, that these were my people and we shared a rich history.

It makes me sad that the modern church threw the baby out with the bath water. All of the traditions of God’s people are for edification and teaching. The traditions of the Old Testament pointed the Jews to Christ’s coming and were meant to help them keep their eyes on eternity. We miss a lot by not enjoying these carefully chosen customs. When they are done out of reverence and not legalism there is a sweetness much like my Sabbath tears of joy.

Still Learning!

Meg Wilson

This past week has been life-changing with two significant events taking place at the same time. As I mentioned we down-sized and moved into a new place AND the national broadcast of my interview at Family Life Today aired at the same time. Through the process there have been some special friends who have helped pack, haul, and support the changes. I was blown away by the five men who gave up part of their saturday to help move our heavy furniture.

The new place is perfect and best of all, it comes without the financial stress of the previous mortgage. Even in the midst of all the business, I sent out reminders of the broadcast. Two special friends sat in our new dinning room with Dave and I and shared an amazing time sitting in the reality of what God had done with our story. There were other friends who sent emails of encouragement after listening adding to my joy. So when another close friend came to me to apologize for not listening, I was taken aback.

The old Meg still lives, my old self secretly hoped that all my friends would understand the significance of the moment, but made excuses for those who didn't. Deep inside I don't believe that I deserve that kind of support. It still feels foreign. So as my friend apologized for missing the opportunity to celebrate what God has done, my natural reaction was to "understand",minimize, and help her make excuses. She didn't let me. She insisted that she missed out and that it was not okay. I cried.

Now this is not to make anyone feel guilty. Of course not everyone could listen. That is not my point. My friend's apology pointed out some residue that still lives in me. Her taking the time to apologize sincerely and to really see what it meant to me was huge. It was a healing balm to my soul. I believe God used it to show me that I still expect too little from those I love, yet offer so much more. She said, "I know that if it was me, you would have made a point to listen." She was right, in fact, even now I have on my calendar the date a friend of mine will be on Focus on the Family and I will be tuning in.

I'm so thankful that though there will always be more to learn, God deals lovingly and gently with us as He teaches. I'm thankful too for the amazing women He has blessed me with. Both those who did and those who did not listen! Each one at some time has made an investment in my life and I am so thankful. I pray that I can do the same in theirs. I don't want to miss an opportunity to support or even to apologize when I miss a chance, because both have healing qualities.

I encourage you to look for people who will be honest with you, not just those who tell you what you want to hear. This is iron sharpening iron God talks about in His word. These are special gifts from God to keep us on the path of continual growth and learning!

Stuff and More Stuff!

Meg Wilson

I am in the process of packing for a move. Dave and I are down-sizing to less than half the size and it is quite the process not only logistically, but emotionally. As is true so often, God is providing a huge life lesson as I sift and sort through the stuff of my life.

The move is the final card in a whole series of poor choices going back about four years when we purchased a home (at the peak of the market) without selling the one we were in. Yep, though our neighbor sold their home in three days, by the time we put ours on the market the peak was over. We tried renting, our savings depleted, and we were holding on by a thread. After two short sales, and a feast of crow, we are out of the financial vice and into a lovely little town home.

That's the short version, but after sorting through cabinets, closets, and dust bunnies, it occurred to me that this was yet another burden. The big beautiful house that others would envy, never felt like anything but a reminder of our stupid decisions. Now the boxes and boxes of junk are yet another load to bear. I had duplicates of so many little things and memorabilia that no one ever looked at. I realized all this stuff would one day pass to my children as a burden they would ulitmately have to wade through.

So the first time around I started a small yard sale pile. Then God continued to nudge me, keep going. "There is much here that others could use that would lighted your load"--the yard sale pile got bigger. Now I'm about half way through the move and still there is nudging. Yesterday, I threw away the boxed of memorabilia. I took out a few special items and all the rest of my girl's kindergarden papers and old scraps went in the trash. I was freeing as I realized I would much rather spend time with my girls than manage their papers.

I see now how too much stuff can own you. I want to focus more on people than on stuff. Americans think they have to have everything at their fingertips. I was going through the kitchen and found a bundt pan, I never us it and if that one day comes, I can borrow one from a friend--out the pan went into the yard sale pile and lighter and lighter I feel. Of course there is still more to do, so I better get busy. I'm going to keep sifting until only God's best remains. Then I can focus on what's really important--the people in my life!!

Patience!

Meg Wilson

Here is what my dictionary says under "patience"

the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset

This is an area, that's hard for me. At the first sign of trouble, I'm frustrated at myself and God. Dave and I are in a trying season full of various pressures. I feel far apart and frustrated. There is this little voice that says, "this will pass, be patient." There is another voice that screams, "enough is enough!" I know which one is from God, but the other one wears me down.

There will always be times when seasons are changing, or we are out growing a part with nothing new to replace it. God asks us often to trust Him, to wait for Him to reveal what the next season is. He is not bound by time the way we are. I have seen many times how He patiently waits for me to stop struggling and then when I'm tired, spent, and calling out to Him, he is right there.

One day , I hope to be able to wait and trust, knowing that God is at work in ways I can't see. Each day has enough trouble to deal with, wich is why I become overwhelmed when I worry about tomorrow and the next day too! So, even as I type, I'm layind down all the questions I have about where we are going. I will trust that the One who holds everthing in the palm of His hand knows and will show me when it's time. I'm praying for patience.

Just Ask!

Meg Wilson

I have been feeling like God is reminding me that I don't always ask Him for whatever I need. I was at a new church and the had a time for healing prayer. I was thinking about going up, but hearing the argument that my stomach issues are not that serious. Then my husband said, I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but I think you are here for a reason." I went forward and the man prayed. As he did, it hit me that I had not even brought this issue to my heavenly Father. My stomach has felt much better.

Then a few days later, I was talking with a friend and heard her talking about some issue and it hit me, that she probably hadn't asked God either. So I mentioned it and we both realized that there is a fear of God saying, "No." or not being all He says He is. My heart broke as I saw this pocket of doubt that still exists in my relationship. Even after God has been so real and generous with me.

When you feel that God has let you down or at least, let serious trials into your life, it takes time to get to that place of total trust again. I won't give any person my abject trust again, but I certainly can place it where it belongs--in Christ. It was a reminder of where I have been and that scar tissue remains. I want to trust God and run to Him first with the full expectation that, though He may not answer my prayers exactly as I would want, He will use all of His power to meet me and provide what's best.

Online Classes

Meg Wilson

Well, we are busy working on getting the online classes together. After much thought and discussion with folks more knowledgeable than me, this is what I know so far. My plan is to do two classes a month. Some of the first topics will be, "Ground Zero: Surviving Disclosure", "Tools for The Single Survivor", "Who, What, When to Tell", and "What About Kids?" The format will be about 40 min of teaching followed by time for your questions. You will be able to be as anonymous as you would like. Questions will be typed in, and only your login will show.

The most difficult part for me is pricing. I never want cost to be an issue. It is also true that we value what we pay for. So I will charge $25 for those who participate in the class while having the recording available on the website for only $5. After researchiang other online venues this is more than reasonable, will cover my costs and time, as well as those who will need to be scholarshiped. This should make it available to everone. There may be a few gals who can't even do the $5, so I am working on haveing a place to submit a hardship request. My desire is to have this information available to all who need it.

So stay tuned, I will be doing a test clas with a few gals I know who will give me feedback. This way we can work out some of the bugs and make sure you are getting a quality experience. I appreciate all the encouragement so far and look forward to what God will do with this new step of faith! Thanks for your prayers as we proceed. I am always open to topic ideas, so let me know if there is something you would like to see addressed.

New in 2010!

Meg Wilson

It is the start of a new year and time to look forward. I’m not sad to see 2009 fade into memory, though I know nothing is wasted according to our Creator. I am looking forward to stepping out in faith into another technical arena called the web meeting or online seminar. My heart has been to create a safe place for women to come and know they are not alone. A place where we are real about the pain, and just as real about healing and the truth. I know not all women have local resources, so the internet seems like a natural solution.

Of course there is the small hurdle of my not being technologically savvy. Thankfully, I have a few friends willing to help. So, I am in the process of seeking the best venue, doing tests, and soon we will have web classes available. My goal is to offer a place where women can come and ask questions while remaining anonymous. I understand and honor this desire. Not everyone is called to write a book about their lives. I had a few talks of my own about it with God. He won and He was right.

I have sent out a few emails to women who have contacted me through the website and the response has been positive. In addition, I already have several great ideas for topics. Several women want me to address what it looks like when they are no longer with their husbands. Since this is often the case for different reasons. It is important to talk about how the healing looks different, but is still essential. There is also the important question of dating and what that looks like. Of course, not everyone will want to be in on this class, so that’s the beauty. Other topics like Who to Tell and How to Talk to Kids might be of interest. I am open to other topic ideas and welcome your input.

My desire is to keep the cost down; $5 or less per class should cover the costs. In addition, I hope to offer the downloads for those who couldn’t make the live meeting. I’m thinking about twice a month to start and then we will see what the response it. Each class will be limited to 30 to 50 gals, but since not everyone will want every class that shouldn’t be a problem. In the future, we could do a webinar format which would allow many more participants. So, as you can see this is an evolving process.

Just wanted to keep you in the loop and let you know what’s coming in 2010. I’m so thankful for the privilege of this platform and for the women who have been ministered to by Hope After Betrayal and this site. My heart and prayers are for your continued healing and for hope to reign in each heart. Thanks for your encouragement and support. Let’s anticipate together what this new year hold!!!

Weakness?

Rich Snyder

God’s power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Cor. 12:19). I have been thinking a lot about the word failure. I looked it up and only one reference came up. Paul was writing to the Thessalonians saying his visit was not a failure. This idea haunts most of us in one-way or another. Many feel that their marriage is a failure when it turns out their spouse betrayed them.

There is no failure in God’s economy. Once we accept Christ, God sees us through the blood of Christ as redeemed. Of course our job is to stay in the refining process, but still we can’t fail, because the work is Christ’s to be done in and through us. This is a strange concept that feels counter intuitive. Of course we serve a God of mystery and most of His ways are paradoxical. For example you must die to live, give to receive, and love your enemies.

All around us the world celebrates winners and vilifies losers. We get passing or failing grades all through school and even hear from our families when we don’t measure up. As hard as it is to grasp, God sees only our potential and inherent value based on being His child. Oh, to walk in this truth. I for one am trying to fight the negative voices in my head.

As I look at my life though, I see God has used my mistakes far more than my success. My mistakes have taught the most about His love and grace. Feeling the loving hands of hope when all seemed loss and hearing His gentle words of peace when my soul raged has been life changing. His power really is made perfect in my weakness if I will let Him have it.

Surrendering my weakness should be easy, but there is a strong element of pride and shame that would tell me to hide or keep my mistakes to myself. God has shown me I have two choices. I can hold onto my error and let it define who I am or I can take it to the cross and let God use it to refine me. The second choice pays huge dividends, but comes at the cost of humility and honesty.

I still hear that voice saying all the ways I have fallen short, but now I let it move me forward instead of paralyzing me. I look the mistake square in the face and think, “Okay, so I am like everyone else, I make mistakes and the world keeps spinning. Show me Lord how You can use this to teach me more about how You work.” He has never let me down. I eventually see His love for me as He puts my mess into His perspective.

If all believers lived like this was true, imagine how powerful it would be. I want to live in this truth. I love that there is no condemnation in Christ (Rom. 8:1) and I have no condemnation for others. It is a place of peace. It doesn’t mean there aren’t consequences or boundaries, but it does keep our choices in the realm of opportunity and away from the realm of identity. So, let’s go and grow in the power of the Lord.

Swimming in Peace

Meg Wilson

I have found myself in new waters lately. There is a peace I’m finding myself swimming in an out of more often these days. It’s not based in my circumstances, because there are some huge financial challenges for my husband and I right now. But we have turned a corner. I feel like for the first time I have a partner on the journey. After so many years of striving for wholeness in Christ alone, it feels like a strange new addition because I don’t need it, nor was I trying to make it happen (like I did in the early years of our marriage).

This walk with Christ is full of unexpected twists. After surviving the biggest hairpin turn to date, every thing else feels pretty small. Not that there won’t be another swivel in the future, but I will bring my experience with me. The knowing of God’s presence and hand on whatever comes makes a huge difference. He’s really all I need. My grip on the things of the world has slipped and it brings peace. All the tears, frustration, and wrestling with God, are worth it.

My vision has changed. Every bend in the road so far has been used by my Loving Father to strengthen some spiritual muscle that was weak. I’m seeing the fruit and know I will not be crushed, as a victor in Christ. My fears, doubts, and lack of understanding can trip me up for a while, but the sooner I admit them to God and ask for His help, the sooner help will come.

Have you heard God is the only one who is completely faithful, all-powerful and all knowing? These used to be statements I knew from the Bible, but now they are facts based on my personal experience with Christ. In addition, I have seen time and time this truth play out in the lives of others. Walking with my hand in Christ’s is a privilege and it brings stability like nothing else. The realization that my husband is on the other side with his hand in Christ’s too, well that’s noting short of miraculous and I’m overjoyed for him.

I know there are far too many men who choose not to walk with Christ and it breaks my heart. However, your picture is still complete when you step out in faith and grab the hand of Christ. As you see for yourself His personal care and get to the same place of knowing you have all you need in God. You too can swim in His peace and move into the life He has chosen for you. Weather there is ever another man on the other side of the Lord doesn’t matter. It could be a wonderful addition, but his not being there is never a subtraction. So swim in faith, hold your head up, and know you are more than a conqueror in Christ.

Betrayal Redeemed Conference

Meg Wilson

After a full day at the Betrayal Redeemed conference, it was good to rest and then it was off to Tacoma with my husband. Sometimes I go with him when he travels, so I can write. It’s nice to get away from the phone and screaming household chores.

I haven’t had much time to process, but I’m always so blessed to see so many brave women reach out for help. They come in various stages of healing and hear wisdom from speakers and workshop leaders. I can’t help wishing more women had this kind of resource. Those of us in the Pacific Northwest are fortunate indeed for all the resources at our disposal.

I was so pleased to see one special gal who met me on a past trip to California. She flew up for the conference and for a few days of peace and quiet. I was struck by her tenacity to look for answers and not role over and play victim (which is tempting to do when you are drowning in pain). She expected to see 25 ladies and was blown away by the over 100 gals who came.

So for those of you feeling alone, please know this issue is rampant and there are women all around you suffering silently with the same pain. For those unable to attend the tapes from the workshops are available through Ediger Media (800-883-9929) CDs are $5 each plus shipping. They should have the list of workshop topics. If you to purchase one or more, when you put it in, imagine you are sitting in a large sanctuary surrounded by other hurting women offering a sacrifice of praise. It’s a beautiful sight! Better yet, plan to attend next year!

Mountain Top

Meg Wilson

Wow, I have been on an amazing ride. God has opened a door I could not have dreamed of. This past week I was flown to Little Rock, AK for a ratio interview with Dennis Rainey and Bob Lapine at Family Life Radio. We talked about the book, my story and the issue of SA for two hours. They taped three half hour shows that will air in the spring. (I will announce that date on the website once I know, so stay tuned)

The trip out was a bit crazy after seven hours of delays I made it to the hotel to meet a long time friend who I hadn’t seen in nine years. It was as if no time had gone by as we picked up where we left off. The delays didn’t even get to me as I was so honored to be going on this trip. I knew God would get me there. As if that wasn’t enough my friend was able to come with me the next day to the taping, lunch with Bob and Dennis and a tour of Family Life. What a gift to have her there with me.

It was like unwrapping gift after gift from my Heavenly Father. All I could think of was the scripture about Gods blessings being pressed down and overflowing. Even before I went and then during this joyful-ride there was a backdrop of understanding about the reality of the desert times. There were friends around me in pain reminding me that this life brings both blessing and hurting. For a brief moment I felt disqualified to speak to those in pain. After all I was on the mountaintop.

Then I realized I’m not disqualified nor am I special. What God is doing, He wants to do for all His children. He is the God who sees every tear and keeps them in a bottle. He not only walks through pain with us, He leads us to times of great joy too. Both are valid experiences, both represent His great love for us. So if you are in the valley listen to one who has been there, but is now on a mountaintop; the view is wonderful, but this experience is sweetened by the time I spent in the valley. So hang in there and continue to see the heart of Christ. There are rich rewards to be found.

Superman!

Rich Snyder

I was talking to a friend yesterday about how God works and it occurred to me that it feels like a scene from one of the older Superman movies with Christopher Reeves. Okay, so I’m dating myself. For you young folks, here’s the scene.

Imagine flying over the city lights on a warm night holding on to Superman. You start out scared holding on for dear life and then gradually gain confidence. Stretching out your arms to feel the full force of the wind, then your grip loosens as you get caught up in the thrill of it all until finally, believing you have mastered the art of flight, you Let your grip slip from Superman’s safe hold and immediately begin plummeting to your death. Thankfully, it’s Superman and he flies down to rescue you and you vow never to let go again.

This is how I feel walking, or should I say flying, in faith. When I remember there’s nothing I can do without Christ, my grip is firm. I’m looking to His word, watching for His presence and waiting to hear His voice. Then when I get going and feel confidence in my situation, it’s easy to let my hold slip. That’s when a fall is inevitable. God gently reminds me all He needs is obedience and surrender. I must leave my desire to fly alone behind and focus on the heights I can sore holding firmly to Him.

My new picture (I’m a visual learner) is me flying with Jesus far above my world and the cares below. But I’m not just holding his hand, I’ve got my arms and legs locked on His leg like a two year old! After all the Bible says, we are to come to Him as a child!

A New Tool

Meg Wilson

Throughout this journey to wholeness, there have been many tools along the way, From Godly counselors, to setting up a spiritual care team to helpful books on the topic of sexual addiction. I have provided links to many of the resources that have helped others and me in the hopes that God would guide your process as He has my husbands and mine.

So, I wanted to pass on yet another tool which God has brought into our lives. It's called Brain State Technology. There are several you-tube videos on the subject that do a better job of explaining the details, but I can attest to the results. This technology shows the brain the places it is out of balance. Then through biofeedback and complex computer programming helps the brain return to a state of balance.

This is groundbreaking technology and though not a substitute for all the wonderful other tools, it is a powerful addition. My husband, Dave, has been free from addiction for about 8 years, but there were still places he was stuck. Like getting overwhelmed, unable to receive positive feedback, still being detached emotionally, and unable to trust. I knew these issues came out of his childhood; we had many discussions. I would try to bring him back to the truth of God's love, but it was like water off a ducks back. I could see he wanted to believe, but was stuck.

God lead us to Northwest Renewal Center and Dave began the process. We weren’t really sure what to expect, this just felt like the logical next step. The healing process has been much like following a breadcrumb trail. Within the first day, Dave realized that his struggles were not his fault. There were other things at work in his brain. He was dominant on the left side. By day two he started to feel overwhelmed and realized he had a choice and the feeling went away. Then he came home and said he was walking taller. It was clear that screens of protection put up as a child were being removed and he could see the world more clearly. He didn’t have to freeze at the first sign of stress.

The beauty of this tool is that it’s not diagnostic. All it does is show each person where their brain is out of balance and how to create new neuro-networks to become more balanced. It has been effective with depression, anxiety, car accident brain trauma, speech issues, addictions, and more. The results are amazing and because there are new networks it is lasting. Like riding a bike. It’s not invasive as the patient sits with sensors on their head and listens to their own brain waves.

I’m sure for some this may feel a bit sci-fi. It may not be for everyone, but if you find yourself like us, having done years of work, but still being stuck, then you may want to check it out. Be sure to look at the videos when you goggle Brain State Technology, then go to www.brainstatetech.com there are locations in many states. I pray this information is helpful and trust God to guide people on their own unique path.

Blind Spots

Meg Wilson

The older I get the more I understand how much help I need from God each day. My flesh will lead me astray every time if I'm not careful. One of the most frustrating phenomena is my ability to be completely blind in an area. We all have these blind spots and they are the cause of a lot of confusion and misunderstandings.

When God reveals a blind spot to me it is always a jolt like a splash of cold water. It breaks my heart a little when I see the damage, but there is never condemnation in Christ. The irony is, what keeps me form seeing the problem in the first place are my good intentions. Somehow I convince myself I'm doing the right thing.

I'll give you an example. When our kids were growing up and my parents (who are not Christians) would come to visit, I would go into overdrive trying to be perfect. I wanted to represent Christ to them. My intentions were good, but did not have the desired affect. Instead we alienated them and came across as if we thought we were better than others. Sadly, not only my parents were turned off. When God showed me that my desire to be His representative had ended up with the opposite result.

Being honest about my struggles, weaknesses, and failures has been one of the best changes to come into my life. I pray that I am more approachable. I see now that just because Jesus is the answer, doesn't mean I have the answer. A pat respnse is never the best answer. In fact, most people just want to be heard and understood. The best I can do is poit others back to Him.

There have been many such revelations. I invite Christ to show me the next blind spot, because I know it will be a place where I could be hurting others with my good intentions. There is a reason someone said, "the road to hell is paved with good intentions." My goal is not to have my name on any more of those gilded pavers.

Rain

Meg Wilson

I'm coming out of a dry season. The smell of rain is in the air and I have even felt a few drops. A great deal has to do with circumstances of life. As much as I would like to rise above the stress of life and live in faith and peace, the reality falls short. I tend to get bogged down by what's happening in my life.

It feels like God is there when times are good and not when life gets hard.

I can always see looking backward that God's hand was at work on my behalf long before I felt it. I try to remember that when the next drought comes. The good news is there is no condemnation in Christ. He smiles a knowing smile when I pray, "Lord I believe, but help my unbelief." He knows my limitations and loves me anyway.

So today, I say, "Thanks for the drops of rain and the promise of showers of blessing. You are the same in the dry times as you are in the healing rains that will eventually fall.

Avoid the Guilt Pool

Rich Snyder

Well, we just got back from a week in southern California and it never rained! We were moving our youngest daughter in for her final year of college. Where did the time go? I know parents feel this way, when their kids leave home, but time really did fly by. Add to that the reality of the lost time in the “SA zone” (those years that feel wasted as I tried to survive my husband’s betrayal).

There are a lot of feelings when it comes to my children and the impact of how our lives shape who they are. Guilt is the first feeling to rise to the surface, but I must invite God to skim it off and go deeper to see what lies at the bottom. Now that we have some perspective, the gift of time, I see a bit more clearly. There are scars we all wear, there is no denying, but we have all grown stronger too.

I can't change the reality of the pain, but I can trust God to use it. This is harder in my children though. It is ingrained inside a mother's heart to protect her children, so to let go feels too hard at times. What's been amazing is to see when I let go certain my daughter will fall, God's hand protects her or guides her in ways I never could. So, as scary as it is to let go, it's an important step in the process of my girls seeing God's personal care in their lives apart from Mom and Dad.

So if you are tempted to jump into the guilt pool--don't! God can use EVRYTHING that comes into our lives for His good and our benefit. He is so worth trusting!

Love to Hear From You!

Meg Wilson

Okay, so I'm not from the computer generation, really. I was still using a typewriter when I went to college. Computers were still a new thing. But when I started to work on my Masters, I was at a disadvantage without a computer, so I have been trying to catch up ever since.

Of course my daughters have grown up with a mouse in their hand, so they are a great resource for me. They program my cell, create and edit my FB page and answer any technical questions I may have. They have recently been after me to "Blog right."

I tend to make each blog and article, but I am supposed to just chat instead. So as I learn to get it right I would love to hear from you my readers to hear what you would like to see. After all I know there are ladies of all ages and needs so it will help me better serve you as we walk together this healing journey.

Above all I pray that you will be encouraged. This is not an easy path or one any of us would have chosen. Yet somehow out of the ashes God brings forth beauty, strength, and faith we didn't know we have. I would love to tell you there is an end, but this is just one road of many on the journey of life. The prize comes when we cross over into eternity. The work we do here on our relationship with Christ, we take with us though. So keep it up, the prize is certain!

Tell Your Daughters and Friends!

Meg Wilson

I have two daughters ages 21 and 24. They were in High School when all the stuff came out about what their dad and I were dealing with. Over the next couple of years they had to deal with parents who were broken. This was a difficult time for all of us. Eight years later I see what a healthy turn of events this was. Though shattering the illusion of the perfect family was painful, it was necessary in order to live in “the arena of truth.”

If you have read my work, you know what this arena is all about. It is the place where God’s Word is preeminent and my will is in complete submission to His truth. Not even the little white lies we tell ourselves can survive in this laser beam of righteous light. The world is much easier to see and the ground is level. We all fall short here but the best part is how pure, rich and abundant the reality of God’s wonderful grace is.

I have watched my daughters meet, befriend, date, and the oldest even wed a young man.
They too see the value in being honest, and open as they get to know someone. They also know full well about sexual addiction and the statistics. The stats are not good especially for this generation of young women. Most of the boys who grew up with the Internet also grew up with parents who were either clueless or uninformed. Many even feel it is just boy’s being boy’s. (I am not ignoring the fact that this is a growing issue for young women as well, it is. I can only speak from my perspective.)

It’s time for those of us who know the pain that this type of behavior causes. To speak up regarding the devastation to the person’s spouse. Every young woman and man need to know to at some point prior to getting married they should ask an all-important question. “So, what is your stand on pornography and what place if any does it have in your life?” Then they also need to know the facts. Over 90% of young men between the ages of 10 and 20 have been exposed to hard-core porn. So, it’s not weather or not they have seen it. The question is what did they do with it when they did see it. So far, it hasn’t happened, but if a guy said he never saw it, we would be doubtful. Every time, they ask this question it has begun and a willingness to get help if needed.

Adults and parents need to be educated and then in dialogue with their teens about the reality of this issue now before they get married. It is much easier for a person to get free at a younger age rather than 15 or 20 years of exposure. Shame keeps people in hiding and keeps adults from talking about sex. But the world, TV, movies, and the Internet are screaming the lies. If no one is talking about the truth, then there is only one message. What is the right message?

It’s time to take back the sacred act of sexual relations within marriage. We need to be honest about how hard it is to wait but then tell them why it’s worth it. Even if you blew it when you were young, God can use it. Just be honest about your struggles and regrets. Sex in marriage is where God sanctions and blesses it. No guilt or shame is attached. Sex was created for us to enjoy, to cement the marriage covenant, and to build intimacy. Marriage is after all the picture God uses to describe Christ and His bride, the church. Physical union between a husband and a wife is the one place where Christ in His fullness is seen--both male and female. It is also something the enemy seeks to destroy. Sex is a beautiful gift that has been distorted and abused beyond recognition. The next generation needs some champions of truth. Could it be there is even one person in your life God wants you to talk to?

Follow Up!

Meg Wilson

Okay, so I just posted the blog and went into the kitchen to make some lunch. My daughter, who is home for the summer from college, came in and we were having a wonderful talk. Then she got an excited look on her face and said, "Deer!" I came over to the window and there were two beautiful does meandering through our side yard. (We live against a wooded area, so deer are not uncommon.)

What made it so special was the timing. God, knowing how much I love to see his handiwork, sent me a gift. Every beautiful bird, squirrel, and deer, are like love notes from Him. They always come at just the right moment when I need a little encouragement.

So, I say again, we are not alone. The God of all comfort never takes His loving eyes from us. He sees the crucibles, but also the gleaming results that are sure to come. He even sends a bit of cool water when we need it. So, be encouraged, I am!

Writing From Empty

Meg Wilson

It has been a while since my last blog and I was complaining to my Bible study group I had nothing to write. When one of my friends said, “That’s perfect, write from that place. I’m sure others will understand.” Then she reminded me I don’t have to have all the answers because it’s more about sharing the process. The “hope girl” in me always wants to point to the promise, but sometimes it means waiting in faith in the sparse reality of this less than perfect world.

So, I’m here after eight years of dealing with the broken places of my life. The difficult part is that there is always more baggage to deal with. Even after the addiction is only a memory there still are unhealthy patterns from my childhood to wade through. Then of course there are my husband’s bags, which perfectly match mine. I wonder when we just get to relax and enjoy the fruits of our labor?

Not to be a downer, but there is no such permanent destination. Until heaven, we just get glimpses. This is the choice of becoming a follower of Christ – to follow. We are to keep moving and go wherever He takes us. For some that means being single, for some it’s divorce, for others it’s staying married and that means not only dealing with the consequences of my issues, but also navigating my spouse’s stuff. There is no one right way. Our Loving Heavenly Father uses every path and everyone’s situation as a crucible for change. That’s right, the goal is to refine us, not to make us happy.

Now I’m not saying the goal is to make us unhappy, that is my choice. Life will offer times of both. Peace is my new goal not happiness. The peace of God surpasses my circumstances. Happiness seems to be situational. If I believe God is for me and He holds everything in the palm of His hand then I should have peace. Faith means believing even when our understanding is impotent. Trust must be built through experiences. As God reveals His personal care for me, trust grows.

So, I’m writing to myself and any readers in a dry place, to stay in the refining fires and to trust at new levels the God who has never left us or forsaken us. Let’s pray for strength and wisdom only God could give and bigger faith muscles as the stuff of life continues to ebb and flow. Let’s hold onto the times of rest and happiness in order to get through the more challenging times of refining and growth.

I give thanks for the amazing people God has placed in my life. They walk beside me on this journey. They encourage me during this dry season. Pray for God to reveal those people to you. One caution, they may be in an unexpected places, so put down your expectations and be expectant instead. God wants to give you good gifts and Godly guides along the way. You are not alone or abandoned; I know this very well.

Wanting to Run

Meg Wilson

I have a friend who was in my first Healing Hearts group; I’ll call her Kate. She has been going along on the roller coaster of life and now, eight years later, has hit bottom. More information has come out regarding her husband and she is done. Tired of the battle and of being hurt. Right now Kate wants out of her marriage and I understand the desire to stop the pain.
    To be honest, I feel inadequate to counsel her. I know the truth of God’s mercy and power to restore and transform, but I also understand healing doesn’t come easily or quickly. I also know all too well the pain of betrayal, lies, as well as the ups and downs of the dance of codependency. To ask Kate to stay in the fire, almost feels harsh and cruel but we live in a brutal world seeking to destroy us. I don’t have anything to take away the pain. I wish I did.
    I used to deny and or minimize the pain in my own life. Truth is I still do at times. My coping mechanism is to say, “Things could always be worse.” or “In the scheme of eternity does the issue really matter?” I am learning these lines only push my pain down; it doesn’t go away. I have to take an honest look at what has happened and then feel the pain. I must be honest about how much it hurts and then invite Christ in to show me what I can learn and then heal it.
    In my live and other’s lives, I see the fruit of working through this process or the residue of pain that remains when we don’t deal with the hurt head on. God has a way of letting us come back to the same place until we get it. I know that divorce “feels” like the answer when the pain is unbearable (and sometimes it really is the only way). If there are children however, the person will never be out of your life even if you divorce.
    The healing process must be to get to the place where you can operate as a separate entity responsible only for yourself and only what is yours. No piece of paper can get a person to this place. This independence needs to happen even if you stay married. Most of us are so enmeshed with our spouse and kids it’s hard to know what is and isn’t mine. Getting these lines untangled is one of the lessons I’m still working on.        Of course, God understands divorce. Though it is not His desire, and it breaks His heart (as does all sin) He gives us the freedom to choose. He only asks that we seek His heart on the matter first. When my marriage was at it’s lowest, I heard God say to my broken heart that I was not called to stay in a marriage where my husband continued to go outside of our marriage and put my life and health at risk, but He asked me to wait when I wanted to run. I’m glad I listened.
    If you are like my friend, Kate, in this place of pain wanting to run, I would ask you to do the same. Seek the heart of God on the matter. This is no easy task when you are tired of being hurt and exhausted from trying to do the right thing. It means laying down the desire to run, even the right to go. It means surrendering to the Lordship of Christ. What I am asking is no easy task. I see the fear on my friend’s face. “What if God asks me to stay?” I’m not sure I can take one more blow. I understand this fear.
    I can attest from the other side, that if God does, it will be because He knows the heart of your husband and He knows the healing that is possible. If healing isn’t possible, He will release you to go. So, as much as you can’t trust your husband or your own emotions right now, you can trust the One who will never leave you, hurt you, or lie to you. You can trust Christ. This is all I have to offer and He is all you need Married or divorced.

One Out Of One

Meg Wilson

    I’m sure it comes as no surprise that one out of one, yes every person born, will one day die. You might think, I don’t have to worry about that for years, but there is no real guarantee. I received an email today from a friend whose neighbor lost a child. Teens die in car accidents, and then there are illnesses. There’s so many ways we can die, it’s amazing any of us make it over the age of twenty.
    If you are thinking, “Gee Meg, this is a downer topic.” or “Can’t we talk about something lighter like sexual addiction.” Then you are like most people who want to live in denial. If I don’t think about it then it won’t happen. As one who had her own houseboat on the river “de-Nile” I understand this way of thinking. But as a woman striving to live in the arena of truth, addressing what’s on my heart is a must.
    My husband, Dave and I just got back from a week trip to North Carolina and Georgia. Dave’s sister, Linda has been battling cancer for over a year and was given months to live. We wanted to spend some quality time with her. Tell her how much she means to us and that we love her. We also needed to drive her to her other sister’s house in Georgia so Susan can care for her. She is 59 years young.
    It’s hard to put into words how awkward it is to talk about something as commonplace as dieing. I had no idea how she was feeling or what to say. So I said that. She proceeded to demonstrate amazing grace and courage. She doesn’t want to die, but is not afraid. She knows heaven awaits and loves the Lord. My heart ached at one level and was envious at another. She will most likely be face to face with Christ before I will.
    We watched her say goodbye to amazing friends and coworkers. They had loved and cared for Linda since she moved into their lives. She enjoyed the peak into the impact she has had on others, as folks were able to say their goodbyes. It struck me that we should all be intentional with our friends and family, leaving no words of love or encouragement unspoken. We never know when that good bye is the last.
    It struck me too that when the pressures of the world, and our own pain bog us down, it is easy to forget how temporary and fragile this life is. Linda left her home and almost all of her worldly goods to be sold at an estate sale. It struck me that the “stuff” we hold onto becomes insignificant yard sale fodder when we are gone. It was a good reminder and helped to put things into perspective.
    I just wanted to take this chance to say the obvious and speak about the inevitable. We will all die. Some of us have years and some months. Don’t worry about this truth, but let it be a constant reminder of the words you speak and the investments you make in that which really matters—the live of others. Go therefore and be Jesus to everyone He puts in your path. Remember too during this Lenten season the path Christ walked for you. The path of pain and death each of us deserve, He walked, so we wouldn’t have to.
This life is but a blip on the screen of eternity. He is risen!

Valentin's Schmalentine's

Meg Wilson

I guess the title of this blog gives away a bit of how I feel about this upcoming holiday. Let’s just say, I think Valentine’s Day is highly overrated especially by the card, candy, and jewelry companies. The worst part is how it can make those who are single, separated, and not in a “romantic” relationship feel “less than”.

So, for those of you who are still in love, after all your marriage or relationship has been through, Praise God. Then don’t forget every day to appreciate the person in your life who loves you. Trust me, one day a year won’t be enough to maintain a healthy marriage. In fact, love notes (hand made are much better than store bought), small gifts, and thoughtful acts of service should be a regular part of honoring those we love.

Now for those of you not in a relationship or in a particularly “lovey-dovey” place, fear not the 14th of February! It’s another day of life. So instead of obsessing about how unlike a romantic movie your life is, celebrate love. Take the day and dedicate it to the One who will never leave you of forsake you. Write a love note to your Prince of Peace who will one day come for you on a white horse. His name is Jesus.

Love isn’t a temporary feeling—It’s a person! Now that’s worth celebrating. Buy yourself that little something you want and then thank God for the gift. Let valentines’ Day be a yearly reminder of the ultimate sacrifice made just for you. This is the only love story that is truly happily ever after for eternity. Even the best marriage ends when one of the partners dies. God gave us marriage, as a picture of what life with Christ will be like. As with any picture it pails in comparison to the experience of the real thing.

Don’t get me wrong; I am a fan and a believer in the gift of marriage. I continue to work hard at it, because it helps me depend of Christ and it refines me. All those things that drive me crazy about my spouse are opportunities for me to grow. God does His best work through relationships. But as one who made her husband a god and her marriage an idol only to suffer the consequences, I understand the importance of keeping things in the proper perspective. I never again want anything to take a higher place or more energy than my relationship with Christ again.

So enjoy the holiday, one and all, because we are dearly and perfectly loved by an amazing God. The Mighty One who takes us in whatever state He finds us in and makes us new. I love that there is nothing I can do to lessen His love for me. He patiently waits to have time with me and then lavishes His love when I feel the least deserving. What a guy, what a God. Celebrate Jesus and celebrate true love this Valentine’s Day—It’s free!

Stay The Course

Meg Wilson

I have been in another season of shifting and growing. These times are never easy nor do I pray they end this side of eternity for they prove God’s hand of care and guidance on my life. In times of pain and discomfort I have learned to lean heavily into Christ’s strength as I feel mine so clearly waning. Now I am learning to lean into Him in the stillness when I don’t feel “productive,” (This comes from an old message from my youth and used to be the measure of my worth.) And I don't "feel" His presence. (I must know He is there.)

I received a prayer request from a fellow writer and I could see between the lines the struggle to stay on task. It reminded me that we are not alone and part of God’s hope for us is that we will spur one another on to love and good deeds. Much like the flying V of a flock of geese, sometimes I must fly upfront bearing the full force of the wind knowing I can not do it without God’s help. Then there are times I get to rest in the back row, but while I’m there my job is to raise my voice in a loud “honk” to encourage the ones up front.

I feel ready to fly back up to the front trusting that God’s revival of strength will carry me on to the next place of exhaustion. This may sound like and effort in futility, but I must never loose site of the miles being gained. The work we do for the Kingdom we take with us into eternity. Stay the course, it is the only work worth doing, this work of growing more like Christ.

I know many of you are weary from the journey. Your pain is real and not out of God’s view. Hang in there; rest is coming. May this note be your honk of encouragement. I know you are tired and not sure where you will land, but wait for the plan formulated before you were born. You can trust the One who made it all. I have learned that the plan is the process not just some end result.

A New Year!

Meg Wilson

I know some of you are thinking, "A new year, I need a new (fill in the blank)." I remember being in the midst of the darkness wondering what the next day would bring. So if you are in that place, I want to encourage you to hang on because a brighter day is coming!

I wish God would take me out of the furnace sometimes, but I know in hindsight, those were some of the most significant and life changing times because when there was nothing I could hold onto, there was always Christ. He would give me a glimmer of hope in His presence. I would pick up His Word and He would speak to my heart. And after many years ministering to other women going through pain, He does the same thing for them.

I have never seen a woman reach out in faith and be disappointed. So, this year make time with God a priority. Like brushing your teeth, don't go out without asking Christ to go before you. This isn't about checking off the "Quiet Time" box, it's about expecting to be with your Savior. He is always ready and waiting. Even if there is no revelation, He knows that you showed up.

Take baby steps of faith. Give Him your fears, emotions, and even your dreams. Then ask Him to show you His dreams for your life. I guarantee they will be far grander than the ones you have. Especially if you feel your dreams have been crushed, let Christ unfold new ones in your time with Him. One thing I know, He has a plan for you that is not thwarted by what your husband is or isn't doing. So step out this year and commit all that you are to Him. Then sit back and watch what He does.

I pray for every woman who is part of this journey of pain. My heart grieves for each of you and yet trusts that God will use the pain as a refining fire to make you more like Him. Take a moment to write about last year and how you are feeling and then re-visit your notes at the end of the year and see how far you have come. Make this a yearly time with God. I add my prayers to yours; may God bless your socks off and restore what the locusts have eaten!

Happy 2009!

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

Meg Wilson

Living in the Pacific Northwest means you may or may not get a white Christmas. After living most of my life in California, it's nice even to have the hope. I also like the fact that we never get enough to have to shovel! I am still in awe when that moment comes and all is quiet and the gentle flakes begin to fall. Even the ugliest junkyard looks magical after a dusting of snow.

I will never forget letting our black lab out to do her business after a snow. She circled and circled for a really long time unable to find a scent and a place to go. Nature eventually made it necessary for her to improvise, but I thought how God's grace is a lot like snow. It covers even the worst smells so even a dog can't find it!

Now that might seem somewhat base for some, but even Jesus used the common ordinary things to illustrate a point. So take advantage of this season of snow. If you can, go sledding, or throw a snowball (gently). Make some hot coco and then thank God that his grace is available every day and is sufficient. There is nothing he can't cover and nothing to big for his mighty arms. I, for one, want to rest there today. Let the snow begin!

Thank You, Lord!

Meg Wilson

With Thanksgiving fast approaching, I have been thinking about all the things I am thankful for. I had a call yesterday from a young gal who was fed up with her husband’s addiction and contemplating divorce. My heart ached at her pain and the all too familiar story. I understood her desire to be done. It wasn’t that long ago my heart was in the same place looking down the same dark road.

Not wanting to tell her what to do, yet wanting to give her another perspective, I shared, how seven years in the healing process has radically changed my view. I am in fact, thankful that God allowed this addiction to come into my marriage and life. I can only imagine how that must have sounded. I quickly added that my husband chose and continues to choose Christ and the path of health. If he had not, we would not be married today, but I would still be thankful for my new healthy relationship with Christ.

Please don’t stop reading and go away thinking this woman has lost her marbles. I don’t expect any woman to feel this way early on in the process. There is first a great deal of anger, loss, pain and work to go through. My hope and prayer is that if you are facing this holiday wondering if there is anything to be thankful for, believe that the Lord won’t leave you there wondering.

Pain is an amazing opportunity to experience God’s provision and love at deeper levels. God isn’t the good fairy who waves a wand and “poof” there is a new dress, coach, or prince. What He does is profoundly more amazing. He changes me in the midst of the unbearable circumstance. He strips away another layer of self-protection or denial and a new aspect of God’s gigantic character is revealed.

It’s scary to no longer be in control or worse, see that you never really were in control to begin with. It’s painful to see that ugliness that exists in my heart when I would rather point out the problem with my husband or someone else’s heart. Some of the hardest work has been to be totally honest with God about my anger, resentment and the ugly feelings only to learn that He’s waiting for me to share them as an act of trust and intimacy. It’s humbling to see a loving face and feel the gentle touch when I know how undeserved it really is. These things have changed me.

Every journey is different, but God is the same. This pain you are in is a holy opportunity to walk closer to God. Though He didn’t choose it, He will use it if you will let Him.
Even if you can’t be thankful for your current situation, make a sacrifice of praise and believe that God will take it and use it for His glory and thank Him today in faith.

Happy Thanksgiving, dear daughter’s of the King!

The Arena of Truth

Meg Wilson

The women who know me and have been through one of my groups are smiling at the title of this blog. This is a phrase I use a lot because it represents to me being centered in Christ, standing solidly on His Word. When I feel wobbly I know I have moved outside the safety of this arena.

Yesterday, I had the privilege of being a part of the "Betrayal Redeemed" Conference in Lake Oswego, OR. It was the second one and over 100 women who have been betrayed by their husband's sexual sin were able to come together and receive hope and help from others who have walked this journey of pain.

I taught a workshop on shame and was once again humbled at how the Lord works. The two workshops were the same information, but had a different feel each time. God met us there and touched the lives of the women present and renewed my passion again for hurting women. I can't tell you how amazing it is to be a witness and tool for God to work in another person's life. Every time I see a woman have an ah-ha or grab hold of His truth my faith soars.

I know how inadequate I am to do anything in the midst of such devastation, but all I do is show up out of obedience and bring my story and then God does the rest. When a person shares from their deepest pain it is a high privilege and so I say thank you. Not only to the women yesterday, but also to all of you who have shared your heart with me on this site or in an email.

I don't have all the answers, but I can and will always point you back to the One who does. Our God is so much bigger than we can imagine. Put your trust in Him and keep your eyes looking up because then your feet will be planted firmly in the arena of truth and your perspective will change. Stay in His word and let Him minister to your broken places for He knows better than anyone the pain of betrayal at the hands of those He loves!

Be honest about your feelings He knows them anyway and this is an act of trust and worship. It will build intimacy and trust. In the arena we must also be honest about our situation. Tell God how difficult it is and how angry you are. He can take it. Not only that, He can use it to propel you forward in health and healing. Hiding keeps us in the dark.

There will be a similar conference Near Seattle, WA in January. For more information go to www.nationalcoalition.org/seattle.asp. Pray with me for more of these conferences to take place. Women all over this nation are hurting in isolation. I pray this site provides even a glimmer of hope and the truth that you are not alone! There is a growing sisterhood and there is power in pointing others to the arena of truth where real and positive change takes place.

Fireproof!

Meg Wilson

Last night my husband and I went to the movie, "Fireproof" and we were amazed at what we saw, I have to be honest I assumed it would be, well a B movie. Boy was I wrong. The acting was better than I expected and so were the special effects.

More amazing than that was the movie did an excellent job of showing were pride, anger, lust, and even being vulnerable can take us. I don't want to give away too much of the plot, but the main character is facing a possible divorce and dealing with looking at porn on the internet as well as wrestling with the idea of faith.

This movie pulls not punches and doesn't wrap up these serious issues with a quick fix. I love that the wife didn't forgive right away like a good Christian girl. There was much honesty and vulnerability in every character. I would recommend getting out to see this as soon as possible. It had already done far better than anyone in Hollywood ever expected--Yea God!

Another day!

Meg Wilson

Well, It is another day here in the Pacific Northwest and this one has been mostly sunny. I love how amazing it is after a few days of clouds and rain. Everything looks fresh and clean and my attitude is lighter. It's a lot like life. There are seasons and days full of cold darkness followed by warm light.

For so long I wondered and prayed, "How can I stay in the sun?" Of course there are places with much less rain, but they don't have all the green trees! I've stopped praying that prayer because It is clear that I need both the storms and the sunshine in order to see the significance of each. What I pray now is, "Lord help me not to lose my way in the storm."

I don't know about you, but if the darkness lingers, I start questioning what I once knew to be true. Like somehow the darkness is all my fault, this one won't end, or God can't see me here. Oh how the enemy feeds the lies in that place. He will take that first inkling of doubt and add to it and work at it until I have wondered a great distance. Why is it so hard to believe that God loves me. Really, just as I am, knowing all the darkness that is in my heart and all my mistakes. Yet He loves me still.

I have heard over and over about His unconditional love. I understand that grace is unmerited favor. I can't earn it, yet I still try.

I'm sure there is noting new in this little note, but I am coming back to it again. Weeping that God is patiently willing to show me once again how true it is. He never moved away--I did for a time and it feels so good to be home and know I don't have to DO anything but rest in Him. Oh that I can stay here and tomorrow is just another day with Him!

I'm Back!

Meg Wilson

I’m sorry it has been too long since my last post. My plan was to write more often. I had visions of growing threads and building an online community. Then life hit.

Coming out of a couple of tough months, I have learned a lot and been reminded again of the importance of staying connected to Christ and remaining in the arena of truth. Sadly, I slowly wandered back to my codependent cave.

Our oldest daughter’s wedding this spring was a wonderful celebration of two young lives becoming one new family. After all the work, there is a natural let down. Then it was back home to financial worries. My husband, Dave, who thankfully no longer medicates, had to cope with the stress which left no energy for us. Add to that a family blow out on my side and the cumulative effect was a wedge between me & Dave and Me & God.

This was a slow and subtle process I am only now seeing through hindsight. I gradually slipped into a pity-party and soon started making hats and streamers. All the while I called out to God for help. The amazing thing is that He met me. He placed me in a new Bible study group, then my husband and I went back to our counselor, and I attended a wonderful woman’s conference. All the pieces built on each other like stepping stones leading back home. I wept at the lost ground and His amazing grace.

I had slipped back into focusing on what my husband was not doing, to meet my needs, grow fast enough in the Lord, or connect at a heart level. My hope had shifted from God back to my husband. No one can offer the hope of God nor stand up to the expectations to be God by another. I guess this battle for health will continue until the day I die. I only hope I can recognize sooner when old patterns return and remember heaven is not here and I will never be married to Jesus, but I am with the man He chose for me.

Now there are still financial pressures and stress, because we are still breathing, but they are much smaller in the light of Jesus. I’ve got my hope back and I believe God has a plan for this ministry, Dave, and me.

So please register and add your two cents to our forums, share your stories, and then send me your ideas for topics. I am adding a new thread to bounce and idea off you. I am praying about offering a safe place to process. It seems like having someone you could talk to via Ichat, skype, or the phone might be of service. I would charge by the hour and then set aside time each week to listen, chat and pray with you. Let me know what you think. In the meantime I am looking into the legalities and logistics.

Thanks for your patience, until next time!

An Encouraging Letter

Meg Wilson

One of the aspects of the new site I was most excited about was the member registration. To be able to create and offer an online community where women could find and support each other would address a felt need. I have heard from many of you that there is nothing in your area and/or you have no one to talk to. It seems the technology demon was hard at work. It looks like we are ready to go now.

I will send out and email notice the problem is fixed. If you have not contacted me through the website or received and email from me and you would like to be on my list, then contact me and I will add your name. Thanks for your patience!

What I wanted to share with you in this blog is a letter sent to me from a gal who has been on the healing journey for several years. In the process of her husband’s healing, he sent her a wonderful letter and they gave me permission to share it with you.

I get asked a lot, “How will I know when my husband gets better?” This letter is a touching example of the humility and intimacy that should grow over time. Not every woman will get such beautiful and tangible evidence, but please listen to the heart behind the words.

Though I never received such a letter, over the last several years every line has been lived out or expressed in some other way. There should be less defensiveness, a growing desire to understand the addiction, and a desire to draw closer to the God who heals. I pray this letter will bless you, as it did me. (Names have been changed.)

Cindy,

     It's been a long time since I wrote you...I'm sorry. Even as I write those words "I'm sorry", it doesn't seem like enough.
     The fact of the matter is, you have suffered...alone, and for many years. You have endured great emotional pain, physical abuse, fear for your children, neglect, and lies to say a few. All this from the hands of someone you trusted most in life. All of this from someone who promised to honor and protect you from such things. All of this from me.
     You wanted to know why sometimes I cry after we make love? It's because I realize that there's a woman who has sacrificed everything, who has endured evil from the man she loves and still gives herself to me. It's hard to deal with because I never wanted to be the villain! I love you too much and it hurts to know that I did this to you and the kids. It's difficult to accept more from you when I owe so much!
     The reason for this letter is to confess my sins to you. I have been unfaithful in our marriage. Even though I have not had intercourse or kissed another woman, my thoughts and my heart would contradict that. But you know my story...you've always known.
     I have never visited prostitutes on the street, but I've paid money to view porn [and strippers]...I know now that there is no difference. Your pain is real! You are not crazy!
     I once believed the opposite...how else could I cover my shame! I imposed my "double" life on you, and convinced you to support me and my habits. That is and was wrong! I'm sorry. I love you very much!
I lied to others, our friends, our family, and often made you look bad, so I wouldn't. Again, to hide the truth. I'm sorry!
     About 8 months ago I started on this journey to get healthy. As you already know, F.M.O. has helped me open my eyes. It's the choices that I make every day that make a difference...and I choose you! I choose to honor and protect you. I choose to love you. I choose to be as selfless as I can for you. I choose your lovely body. I choose your perfect looks. I choose your style, flair, skin color, smell. I choose you. I forsake all others!
     I choose to be a moral, healthy and Godly man. I choose to be a good father and provider for my children. I choose to be a teacher and to learn. I choose to help with daily chores. I choose to be patient and forgiving. I choose life. I choose our marriage. I choose to be happy and I accept my life the way it is without medication. I accept "Life on life's terms"

I love you.

J

Hope After Betrayal Launches Blog!

Meg Wilson

Those who have been partners as well as new comers, I am excited by the recent changes to our website. My hope and my heart is that women who have been injured by their partners sexual addiction have a safe place to come and connect with other women and realize that we are a growing community of shared pain. Be sure to add your name to our membership list.

I wish this was not the case, but after over six years of ministering in this area, I have seen too much to minimize this growing problem. The good news is God is bigger still!

My goal with the blog is to share what I am learning on this continuing journey to health and wholeness. As I get new information, and find help, I want you to benefit.

For this first post, it made sense to share one of the first revelations after finding out about my husband’s addiction. After the amazing reality that God would meet me personally and intimately in my pain, He encouraged me not to hide. He knew I needed the encouragement that having other women in similar situations could provide.

I remember the first time, in a small group of ladies, I felt His prompting, my heart was beating and I knew he wanted me to be honest and vulnerable. These were women I could trust. I fought the feeling at first. I was afraid of how the information would be perceived. I was protective of my husband’s reputation.

God has a sense of humor and the more I tried to talk around the true issue, the more I backed myself into a corner. Finally, I said the word “Pornography” and three of the six ladies stared to cry. No one was judgmental and we all walked away having been encouraged by each other. Over and over, God has put me in situations and then asked me to be vulnerable. Every time He works in an amazing way. I often wonder at what it would have been like had I not opened up that first time.

I will say a word of caution at this point. It is essential that we be careful to speak only when God prompts us to. Not all groups or people are safe or ready to hear the truth. Be sure to proceed with caution, but when you hear His voice and are afraid, remember His love for you and His desire for truth. If you aren’t a little afraid, it might be your idea instead.

You don’t have to write a book, but God does want us to reach out to each other and spur one another on to love and good deeds. For those of us who have been betrayed this is a huge faith step, so let God guide the process!