: Blog Posts

Stuff and More Stuff!

Meg Wilson

I am in the process of packing for a move. Dave and I are down-sizing to less than half the size and it is quite the process not only logistically, but emotionally. As is true so often, God is providing a huge life lesson as I sift and sort through the stuff of my life.

The move is the final card in a whole series of poor choices going back about four years when we purchased a home (at the peak of the market) without selling the one we were in. Yep, though our neighbor sold their home in three days, by the time we put ours on the market the peak was over. We tried renting, our savings depleted, and we were holding on by a thread. After two short sales, and a feast of crow, we are out of the financial vice and into a lovely little town home.

That's the short version, but after sorting through cabinets, closets, and dust bunnies, it occurred to me that this was yet another burden. The big beautiful house that others would envy, never felt like anything but a reminder of our stupid decisions. Now the boxes and boxes of junk are yet another load to bear. I had duplicates of so many little things and memorabilia that no one ever looked at. I realized all this stuff would one day pass to my children as a burden they would ulitmately have to wade through.

So the first time around I started a small yard sale pile. Then God continued to nudge me, keep going. "There is much here that others could use that would lighted your load"--the yard sale pile got bigger. Now I'm about half way through the move and still there is nudging. Yesterday, I threw away the boxed of memorabilia. I took out a few special items and all the rest of my girl's kindergarden papers and old scraps went in the trash. I was freeing as I realized I would much rather spend time with my girls than manage their papers.

I see now how too much stuff can own you. I want to focus more on people than on stuff. Americans think they have to have everything at their fingertips. I was going through the kitchen and found a bundt pan, I never us it and if that one day comes, I can borrow one from a friend--out the pan went into the yard sale pile and lighter and lighter I feel. Of course there is still more to do, so I better get busy. I'm going to keep sifting until only God's best remains. Then I can focus on what's really important--the people in my life!!

Patience!

Meg Wilson

Here is what my dictionary says under "patience"

the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset

This is an area, that's hard for me. At the first sign of trouble, I'm frustrated at myself and God. Dave and I are in a trying season full of various pressures. I feel far apart and frustrated. There is this little voice that says, "this will pass, be patient." There is another voice that screams, "enough is enough!" I know which one is from God, but the other one wears me down.

There will always be times when seasons are changing, or we are out growing a part with nothing new to replace it. God asks us often to trust Him, to wait for Him to reveal what the next season is. He is not bound by time the way we are. I have seen many times how He patiently waits for me to stop struggling and then when I'm tired, spent, and calling out to Him, he is right there.

One day , I hope to be able to wait and trust, knowing that God is at work in ways I can't see. Each day has enough trouble to deal with, wich is why I become overwhelmed when I worry about tomorrow and the next day too! So, even as I type, I'm layind down all the questions I have about where we are going. I will trust that the One who holds everthing in the palm of His hand knows and will show me when it's time. I'm praying for patience.

Just Ask!

Meg Wilson

I have been feeling like God is reminding me that I don't always ask Him for whatever I need. I was at a new church and the had a time for healing prayer. I was thinking about going up, but hearing the argument that my stomach issues are not that serious. Then my husband said, I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but I think you are here for a reason." I went forward and the man prayed. As he did, it hit me that I had not even brought this issue to my heavenly Father. My stomach has felt much better.

Then a few days later, I was talking with a friend and heard her talking about some issue and it hit me, that she probably hadn't asked God either. So I mentioned it and we both realized that there is a fear of God saying, "No." or not being all He says He is. My heart broke as I saw this pocket of doubt that still exists in my relationship. Even after God has been so real and generous with me.

When you feel that God has let you down or at least, let serious trials into your life, it takes time to get to that place of total trust again. I won't give any person my abject trust again, but I certainly can place it where it belongs--in Christ. It was a reminder of where I have been and that scar tissue remains. I want to trust God and run to Him first with the full expectation that, though He may not answer my prayers exactly as I would want, He will use all of His power to meet me and provide what's best.

Online Classes

Meg Wilson

Well, we are busy working on getting the online classes together. After much thought and discussion with folks more knowledgeable than me, this is what I know so far. My plan is to do two classes a month. Some of the first topics will be, "Ground Zero: Surviving Disclosure", "Tools for The Single Survivor", "Who, What, When to Tell", and "What About Kids?" The format will be about 40 min of teaching followed by time for your questions. You will be able to be as anonymous as you would like. Questions will be typed in, and only your login will show.

The most difficult part for me is pricing. I never want cost to be an issue. It is also true that we value what we pay for. So I will charge $25 for those who participate in the class while having the recording available on the website for only $5. After researchiang other online venues this is more than reasonable, will cover my costs and time, as well as those who will need to be scholarshiped. This should make it available to everone. There may be a few gals who can't even do the $5, so I am working on haveing a place to submit a hardship request. My desire is to have this information available to all who need it.

So stay tuned, I will be doing a test clas with a few gals I know who will give me feedback. This way we can work out some of the bugs and make sure you are getting a quality experience. I appreciate all the encouragement so far and look forward to what God will do with this new step of faith! Thanks for your prayers as we proceed. I am always open to topic ideas, so let me know if there is something you would like to see addressed.

New in 2010!

Meg Wilson

It is the start of a new year and time to look forward. I’m not sad to see 2009 fade into memory, though I know nothing is wasted according to our Creator. I am looking forward to stepping out in faith into another technical arena called the web meeting or online seminar. My heart has been to create a safe place for women to come and know they are not alone. A place where we are real about the pain, and just as real about healing and the truth. I know not all women have local resources, so the internet seems like a natural solution.

Of course there is the small hurdle of my not being technologically savvy. Thankfully, I have a few friends willing to help. So, I am in the process of seeking the best venue, doing tests, and soon we will have web classes available. My goal is to offer a place where women can come and ask questions while remaining anonymous. I understand and honor this desire. Not everyone is called to write a book about their lives. I had a few talks of my own about it with God. He won and He was right.

I have sent out a few emails to women who have contacted me through the website and the response has been positive. In addition, I already have several great ideas for topics. Several women want me to address what it looks like when they are no longer with their husbands. Since this is often the case for different reasons. It is important to talk about how the healing looks different, but is still essential. There is also the important question of dating and what that looks like. Of course, not everyone will want to be in on this class, so that’s the beauty. Other topics like Who to Tell and How to Talk to Kids might be of interest. I am open to other topic ideas and welcome your input.

My desire is to keep the cost down; $5 or less per class should cover the costs. In addition, I hope to offer the downloads for those who couldn’t make the live meeting. I’m thinking about twice a month to start and then we will see what the response it. Each class will be limited to 30 to 50 gals, but since not everyone will want every class that shouldn’t be a problem. In the future, we could do a webinar format which would allow many more participants. So, as you can see this is an evolving process.

Just wanted to keep you in the loop and let you know what’s coming in 2010. I’m so thankful for the privilege of this platform and for the women who have been ministered to by Hope After Betrayal and this site. My heart and prayers are for your continued healing and for hope to reign in each heart. Thanks for your encouragement and support. Let’s anticipate together what this new year hold!!!

Weakness?

Rich Snyder

God’s power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Cor. 12:19). I have been thinking a lot about the word failure. I looked it up and only one reference came up. Paul was writing to the Thessalonians saying his visit was not a failure. This idea haunts most of us in one-way or another. Many feel that their marriage is a failure when it turns out their spouse betrayed them.

There is no failure in God’s economy. Once we accept Christ, God sees us through the blood of Christ as redeemed. Of course our job is to stay in the refining process, but still we can’t fail, because the work is Christ’s to be done in and through us. This is a strange concept that feels counter intuitive. Of course we serve a God of mystery and most of His ways are paradoxical. For example you must die to live, give to receive, and love your enemies.

All around us the world celebrates winners and vilifies losers. We get passing or failing grades all through school and even hear from our families when we don’t measure up. As hard as it is to grasp, God sees only our potential and inherent value based on being His child. Oh, to walk in this truth. I for one am trying to fight the negative voices in my head.

As I look at my life though, I see God has used my mistakes far more than my success. My mistakes have taught the most about His love and grace. Feeling the loving hands of hope when all seemed loss and hearing His gentle words of peace when my soul raged has been life changing. His power really is made perfect in my weakness if I will let Him have it.

Surrendering my weakness should be easy, but there is a strong element of pride and shame that would tell me to hide or keep my mistakes to myself. God has shown me I have two choices. I can hold onto my error and let it define who I am or I can take it to the cross and let God use it to refine me. The second choice pays huge dividends, but comes at the cost of humility and honesty.

I still hear that voice saying all the ways I have fallen short, but now I let it move me forward instead of paralyzing me. I look the mistake square in the face and think, “Okay, so I am like everyone else, I make mistakes and the world keeps spinning. Show me Lord how You can use this to teach me more about how You work.” He has never let me down. I eventually see His love for me as He puts my mess into His perspective.

If all believers lived like this was true, imagine how powerful it would be. I want to live in this truth. I love that there is no condemnation in Christ (Rom. 8:1) and I have no condemnation for others. It is a place of peace. It doesn’t mean there aren’t consequences or boundaries, but it does keep our choices in the realm of opportunity and away from the realm of identity. So, let’s go and grow in the power of the Lord.

Swimming in Peace

Meg Wilson

I have found myself in new waters lately. There is a peace I’m finding myself swimming in an out of more often these days. It’s not based in my circumstances, because there are some huge financial challenges for my husband and I right now. But we have turned a corner. I feel like for the first time I have a partner on the journey. After so many years of striving for wholeness in Christ alone, it feels like a strange new addition because I don’t need it, nor was I trying to make it happen (like I did in the early years of our marriage).

This walk with Christ is full of unexpected twists. After surviving the biggest hairpin turn to date, every thing else feels pretty small. Not that there won’t be another swivel in the future, but I will bring my experience with me. The knowing of God’s presence and hand on whatever comes makes a huge difference. He’s really all I need. My grip on the things of the world has slipped and it brings peace. All the tears, frustration, and wrestling with God, are worth it.

My vision has changed. Every bend in the road so far has been used by my Loving Father to strengthen some spiritual muscle that was weak. I’m seeing the fruit and know I will not be crushed, as a victor in Christ. My fears, doubts, and lack of understanding can trip me up for a while, but the sooner I admit them to God and ask for His help, the sooner help will come.

Have you heard God is the only one who is completely faithful, all-powerful and all knowing? These used to be statements I knew from the Bible, but now they are facts based on my personal experience with Christ. In addition, I have seen time and time this truth play out in the lives of others. Walking with my hand in Christ’s is a privilege and it brings stability like nothing else. The realization that my husband is on the other side with his hand in Christ’s too, well that’s noting short of miraculous and I’m overjoyed for him.

I know there are far too many men who choose not to walk with Christ and it breaks my heart. However, your picture is still complete when you step out in faith and grab the hand of Christ. As you see for yourself His personal care and get to the same place of knowing you have all you need in God. You too can swim in His peace and move into the life He has chosen for you. Weather there is ever another man on the other side of the Lord doesn’t matter. It could be a wonderful addition, but his not being there is never a subtraction. So swim in faith, hold your head up, and know you are more than a conqueror in Christ.

Betrayal Redeemed Conference

Meg Wilson

After a full day at the Betrayal Redeemed conference, it was good to rest and then it was off to Tacoma with my husband. Sometimes I go with him when he travels, so I can write. It’s nice to get away from the phone and screaming household chores.

I haven’t had much time to process, but I’m always so blessed to see so many brave women reach out for help. They come in various stages of healing and hear wisdom from speakers and workshop leaders. I can’t help wishing more women had this kind of resource. Those of us in the Pacific Northwest are fortunate indeed for all the resources at our disposal.

I was so pleased to see one special gal who met me on a past trip to California. She flew up for the conference and for a few days of peace and quiet. I was struck by her tenacity to look for answers and not role over and play victim (which is tempting to do when you are drowning in pain). She expected to see 25 ladies and was blown away by the over 100 gals who came.

So for those of you feeling alone, please know this issue is rampant and there are women all around you suffering silently with the same pain. For those unable to attend the tapes from the workshops are available through Ediger Media (800-883-9929) CDs are $5 each plus shipping. They should have the list of workshop topics. If you to purchase one or more, when you put it in, imagine you are sitting in a large sanctuary surrounded by other hurting women offering a sacrifice of praise. It’s a beautiful sight! Better yet, plan to attend next year!

Mountain Top

Meg Wilson

Wow, I have been on an amazing ride. God has opened a door I could not have dreamed of. This past week I was flown to Little Rock, AK for a ratio interview with Dennis Rainey and Bob Lapine at Family Life Radio. We talked about the book, my story and the issue of SA for two hours. They taped three half hour shows that will air in the spring. (I will announce that date on the website once I know, so stay tuned)

The trip out was a bit crazy after seven hours of delays I made it to the hotel to meet a long time friend who I hadn’t seen in nine years. It was as if no time had gone by as we picked up where we left off. The delays didn’t even get to me as I was so honored to be going on this trip. I knew God would get me there. As if that wasn’t enough my friend was able to come with me the next day to the taping, lunch with Bob and Dennis and a tour of Family Life. What a gift to have her there with me.

It was like unwrapping gift after gift from my Heavenly Father. All I could think of was the scripture about Gods blessings being pressed down and overflowing. Even before I went and then during this joyful-ride there was a backdrop of understanding about the reality of the desert times. There were friends around me in pain reminding me that this life brings both blessing and hurting. For a brief moment I felt disqualified to speak to those in pain. After all I was on the mountaintop.

Then I realized I’m not disqualified nor am I special. What God is doing, He wants to do for all His children. He is the God who sees every tear and keeps them in a bottle. He not only walks through pain with us, He leads us to times of great joy too. Both are valid experiences, both represent His great love for us. So if you are in the valley listen to one who has been there, but is now on a mountaintop; the view is wonderful, but this experience is sweetened by the time I spent in the valley. So hang in there and continue to see the heart of Christ. There are rich rewards to be found.

Superman!

Rich Snyder

I was talking to a friend yesterday about how God works and it occurred to me that it feels like a scene from one of the older Superman movies with Christopher Reeves. Okay, so I’m dating myself. For you young folks, here’s the scene.

Imagine flying over the city lights on a warm night holding on to Superman. You start out scared holding on for dear life and then gradually gain confidence. Stretching out your arms to feel the full force of the wind, then your grip loosens as you get caught up in the thrill of it all until finally, believing you have mastered the art of flight, you Let your grip slip from Superman’s safe hold and immediately begin plummeting to your death. Thankfully, it’s Superman and he flies down to rescue you and you vow never to let go again.

This is how I feel walking, or should I say flying, in faith. When I remember there’s nothing I can do without Christ, my grip is firm. I’m looking to His word, watching for His presence and waiting to hear His voice. Then when I get going and feel confidence in my situation, it’s easy to let my hold slip. That’s when a fall is inevitable. God gently reminds me all He needs is obedience and surrender. I must leave my desire to fly alone behind and focus on the heights I can sore holding firmly to Him.

My new picture (I’m a visual learner) is me flying with Jesus far above my world and the cares below. But I’m not just holding his hand, I’ve got my arms and legs locked on His leg like a two year old! After all the Bible says, we are to come to Him as a child!

A New Tool

Meg Wilson

Throughout this journey to wholeness, there have been many tools along the way, From Godly counselors, to setting up a spiritual care team to helpful books on the topic of sexual addiction. I have provided links to many of the resources that have helped others and me in the hopes that God would guide your process as He has my husbands and mine.

So, I wanted to pass on yet another tool which God has brought into our lives. It's called Brain State Technology. There are several you-tube videos on the subject that do a better job of explaining the details, but I can attest to the results. This technology shows the brain the places it is out of balance. Then through biofeedback and complex computer programming helps the brain return to a state of balance.

This is groundbreaking technology and though not a substitute for all the wonderful other tools, it is a powerful addition. My husband, Dave, has been free from addiction for about 8 years, but there were still places he was stuck. Like getting overwhelmed, unable to receive positive feedback, still being detached emotionally, and unable to trust. I knew these issues came out of his childhood; we had many discussions. I would try to bring him back to the truth of God's love, but it was like water off a ducks back. I could see he wanted to believe, but was stuck.

God lead us to Northwest Renewal Center and Dave began the process. We weren’t really sure what to expect, this just felt like the logical next step. The healing process has been much like following a breadcrumb trail. Within the first day, Dave realized that his struggles were not his fault. There were other things at work in his brain. He was dominant on the left side. By day two he started to feel overwhelmed and realized he had a choice and the feeling went away. Then he came home and said he was walking taller. It was clear that screens of protection put up as a child were being removed and he could see the world more clearly. He didn’t have to freeze at the first sign of stress.

The beauty of this tool is that it’s not diagnostic. All it does is show each person where their brain is out of balance and how to create new neuro-networks to become more balanced. It has been effective with depression, anxiety, car accident brain trauma, speech issues, addictions, and more. The results are amazing and because there are new networks it is lasting. Like riding a bike. It’s not invasive as the patient sits with sensors on their head and listens to their own brain waves.

I’m sure for some this may feel a bit sci-fi. It may not be for everyone, but if you find yourself like us, having done years of work, but still being stuck, then you may want to check it out. Be sure to look at the videos when you goggle Brain State Technology, then go to www.brainstatetech.com there are locations in many states. I pray this information is helpful and trust God to guide people on their own unique path.

Blind Spots

Meg Wilson

The older I get the more I understand how much help I need from God each day. My flesh will lead me astray every time if I'm not careful. One of the most frustrating phenomena is my ability to be completely blind in an area. We all have these blind spots and they are the cause of a lot of confusion and misunderstandings.

When God reveals a blind spot to me it is always a jolt like a splash of cold water. It breaks my heart a little when I see the damage, but there is never condemnation in Christ. The irony is, what keeps me form seeing the problem in the first place are my good intentions. Somehow I convince myself I'm doing the right thing.

I'll give you an example. When our kids were growing up and my parents (who are not Christians) would come to visit, I would go into overdrive trying to be perfect. I wanted to represent Christ to them. My intentions were good, but did not have the desired affect. Instead we alienated them and came across as if we thought we were better than others. Sadly, not only my parents were turned off. When God showed me that my desire to be His representative had ended up with the opposite result.

Being honest about my struggles, weaknesses, and failures has been one of the best changes to come into my life. I pray that I am more approachable. I see now that just because Jesus is the answer, doesn't mean I have the answer. A pat respnse is never the best answer. In fact, most people just want to be heard and understood. The best I can do is poit others back to Him.

There have been many such revelations. I invite Christ to show me the next blind spot, because I know it will be a place where I could be hurting others with my good intentions. There is a reason someone said, "the road to hell is paved with good intentions." My goal is not to have my name on any more of those gilded pavers.

Rain

Meg Wilson

I'm coming out of a dry season. The smell of rain is in the air and I have even felt a few drops. A great deal has to do with circumstances of life. As much as I would like to rise above the stress of life and live in faith and peace, the reality falls short. I tend to get bogged down by what's happening in my life.

It feels like God is there when times are good and not when life gets hard.

I can always see looking backward that God's hand was at work on my behalf long before I felt it. I try to remember that when the next drought comes. The good news is there is no condemnation in Christ. He smiles a knowing smile when I pray, "Lord I believe, but help my unbelief." He knows my limitations and loves me anyway.

So today, I say, "Thanks for the drops of rain and the promise of showers of blessing. You are the same in the dry times as you are in the healing rains that will eventually fall.

Avoid the Guilt Pool

Rich Snyder

Well, we just got back from a week in southern California and it never rained! We were moving our youngest daughter in for her final year of college. Where did the time go? I know parents feel this way, when their kids leave home, but time really did fly by. Add to that the reality of the lost time in the “SA zone” (those years that feel wasted as I tried to survive my husband’s betrayal).

There are a lot of feelings when it comes to my children and the impact of how our lives shape who they are. Guilt is the first feeling to rise to the surface, but I must invite God to skim it off and go deeper to see what lies at the bottom. Now that we have some perspective, the gift of time, I see a bit more clearly. There are scars we all wear, there is no denying, but we have all grown stronger too.

I can't change the reality of the pain, but I can trust God to use it. This is harder in my children though. It is ingrained inside a mother's heart to protect her children, so to let go feels too hard at times. What's been amazing is to see when I let go certain my daughter will fall, God's hand protects her or guides her in ways I never could. So, as scary as it is to let go, it's an important step in the process of my girls seeing God's personal care in their lives apart from Mom and Dad.

So if you are tempted to jump into the guilt pool--don't! God can use EVRYTHING that comes into our lives for His good and our benefit. He is so worth trusting!

Love to Hear From You!

Meg Wilson

Okay, so I'm not from the computer generation, really. I was still using a typewriter when I went to college. Computers were still a new thing. But when I started to work on my Masters, I was at a disadvantage without a computer, so I have been trying to catch up ever since.

Of course my daughters have grown up with a mouse in their hand, so they are a great resource for me. They program my cell, create and edit my FB page and answer any technical questions I may have. They have recently been after me to "Blog right."

I tend to make each blog and article, but I am supposed to just chat instead. So as I learn to get it right I would love to hear from you my readers to hear what you would like to see. After all I know there are ladies of all ages and needs so it will help me better serve you as we walk together this healing journey.

Above all I pray that you will be encouraged. This is not an easy path or one any of us would have chosen. Yet somehow out of the ashes God brings forth beauty, strength, and faith we didn't know we have. I would love to tell you there is an end, but this is just one road of many on the journey of life. The prize comes when we cross over into eternity. The work we do here on our relationship with Christ, we take with us though. So keep it up, the prize is certain!

Tell Your Daughters and Friends!

Meg Wilson

I have two daughters ages 21 and 24. They were in High School when all the stuff came out about what their dad and I were dealing with. Over the next couple of years they had to deal with parents who were broken. This was a difficult time for all of us. Eight years later I see what a healthy turn of events this was. Though shattering the illusion of the perfect family was painful, it was necessary in order to live in “the arena of truth.”

If you have read my work, you know what this arena is all about. It is the place where God’s Word is preeminent and my will is in complete submission to His truth. Not even the little white lies we tell ourselves can survive in this laser beam of righteous light. The world is much easier to see and the ground is level. We all fall short here but the best part is how pure, rich and abundant the reality of God’s wonderful grace is.

I have watched my daughters meet, befriend, date, and the oldest even wed a young man.
They too see the value in being honest, and open as they get to know someone. They also know full well about sexual addiction and the statistics. The stats are not good especially for this generation of young women. Most of the boys who grew up with the Internet also grew up with parents who were either clueless or uninformed. Many even feel it is just boy’s being boy’s. (I am not ignoring the fact that this is a growing issue for young women as well, it is. I can only speak from my perspective.)

It’s time for those of us who know the pain that this type of behavior causes. To speak up regarding the devastation to the person’s spouse. Every young woman and man need to know to at some point prior to getting married they should ask an all-important question. “So, what is your stand on pornography and what place if any does it have in your life?” Then they also need to know the facts. Over 90% of young men between the ages of 10 and 20 have been exposed to hard-core porn. So, it’s not weather or not they have seen it. The question is what did they do with it when they did see it. So far, it hasn’t happened, but if a guy said he never saw it, we would be doubtful. Every time, they ask this question it has begun and a willingness to get help if needed.

Adults and parents need to be educated and then in dialogue with their teens about the reality of this issue now before they get married. It is much easier for a person to get free at a younger age rather than 15 or 20 years of exposure. Shame keeps people in hiding and keeps adults from talking about sex. But the world, TV, movies, and the Internet are screaming the lies. If no one is talking about the truth, then there is only one message. What is the right message?

It’s time to take back the sacred act of sexual relations within marriage. We need to be honest about how hard it is to wait but then tell them why it’s worth it. Even if you blew it when you were young, God can use it. Just be honest about your struggles and regrets. Sex in marriage is where God sanctions and blesses it. No guilt or shame is attached. Sex was created for us to enjoy, to cement the marriage covenant, and to build intimacy. Marriage is after all the picture God uses to describe Christ and His bride, the church. Physical union between a husband and a wife is the one place where Christ in His fullness is seen--both male and female. It is also something the enemy seeks to destroy. Sex is a beautiful gift that has been distorted and abused beyond recognition. The next generation needs some champions of truth. Could it be there is even one person in your life God wants you to talk to?

Follow Up!

Meg Wilson

Okay, so I just posted the blog and went into the kitchen to make some lunch. My daughter, who is home for the summer from college, came in and we were having a wonderful talk. Then she got an excited look on her face and said, "Deer!" I came over to the window and there were two beautiful does meandering through our side yard. (We live against a wooded area, so deer are not uncommon.)

What made it so special was the timing. God, knowing how much I love to see his handiwork, sent me a gift. Every beautiful bird, squirrel, and deer, are like love notes from Him. They always come at just the right moment when I need a little encouragement.

So, I say again, we are not alone. The God of all comfort never takes His loving eyes from us. He sees the crucibles, but also the gleaming results that are sure to come. He even sends a bit of cool water when we need it. So, be encouraged, I am!

Writing From Empty

Meg Wilson

It has been a while since my last blog and I was complaining to my Bible study group I had nothing to write. When one of my friends said, “That’s perfect, write from that place. I’m sure others will understand.” Then she reminded me I don’t have to have all the answers because it’s more about sharing the process. The “hope girl” in me always wants to point to the promise, but sometimes it means waiting in faith in the sparse reality of this less than perfect world.

So, I’m here after eight years of dealing with the broken places of my life. The difficult part is that there is always more baggage to deal with. Even after the addiction is only a memory there still are unhealthy patterns from my childhood to wade through. Then of course there are my husband’s bags, which perfectly match mine. I wonder when we just get to relax and enjoy the fruits of our labor?

Not to be a downer, but there is no such permanent destination. Until heaven, we just get glimpses. This is the choice of becoming a follower of Christ – to follow. We are to keep moving and go wherever He takes us. For some that means being single, for some it’s divorce, for others it’s staying married and that means not only dealing with the consequences of my issues, but also navigating my spouse’s stuff. There is no one right way. Our Loving Heavenly Father uses every path and everyone’s situation as a crucible for change. That’s right, the goal is to refine us, not to make us happy.

Now I’m not saying the goal is to make us unhappy, that is my choice. Life will offer times of both. Peace is my new goal not happiness. The peace of God surpasses my circumstances. Happiness seems to be situational. If I believe God is for me and He holds everything in the palm of His hand then I should have peace. Faith means believing even when our understanding is impotent. Trust must be built through experiences. As God reveals His personal care for me, trust grows.

So, I’m writing to myself and any readers in a dry place, to stay in the refining fires and to trust at new levels the God who has never left us or forsaken us. Let’s pray for strength and wisdom only God could give and bigger faith muscles as the stuff of life continues to ebb and flow. Let’s hold onto the times of rest and happiness in order to get through the more challenging times of refining and growth.

I give thanks for the amazing people God has placed in my life. They walk beside me on this journey. They encourage me during this dry season. Pray for God to reveal those people to you. One caution, they may be in an unexpected places, so put down your expectations and be expectant instead. God wants to give you good gifts and Godly guides along the way. You are not alone or abandoned; I know this very well.

Wanting to Run

Meg Wilson

I have a friend who was in my first Healing Hearts group; I’ll call her Kate. She has been going along on the roller coaster of life and now, eight years later, has hit bottom. More information has come out regarding her husband and she is done. Tired of the battle and of being hurt. Right now Kate wants out of her marriage and I understand the desire to stop the pain.
    To be honest, I feel inadequate to counsel her. I know the truth of God’s mercy and power to restore and transform, but I also understand healing doesn’t come easily or quickly. I also know all too well the pain of betrayal, lies, as well as the ups and downs of the dance of codependency. To ask Kate to stay in the fire, almost feels harsh and cruel but we live in a brutal world seeking to destroy us. I don’t have anything to take away the pain. I wish I did.
    I used to deny and or minimize the pain in my own life. Truth is I still do at times. My coping mechanism is to say, “Things could always be worse.” or “In the scheme of eternity does the issue really matter?” I am learning these lines only push my pain down; it doesn’t go away. I have to take an honest look at what has happened and then feel the pain. I must be honest about how much it hurts and then invite Christ in to show me what I can learn and then heal it.
    In my live and other’s lives, I see the fruit of working through this process or the residue of pain that remains when we don’t deal with the hurt head on. God has a way of letting us come back to the same place until we get it. I know that divorce “feels” like the answer when the pain is unbearable (and sometimes it really is the only way). If there are children however, the person will never be out of your life even if you divorce.
    The healing process must be to get to the place where you can operate as a separate entity responsible only for yourself and only what is yours. No piece of paper can get a person to this place. This independence needs to happen even if you stay married. Most of us are so enmeshed with our spouse and kids it’s hard to know what is and isn’t mine. Getting these lines untangled is one of the lessons I’m still working on.        Of course, God understands divorce. Though it is not His desire, and it breaks His heart (as does all sin) He gives us the freedom to choose. He only asks that we seek His heart on the matter first. When my marriage was at it’s lowest, I heard God say to my broken heart that I was not called to stay in a marriage where my husband continued to go outside of our marriage and put my life and health at risk, but He asked me to wait when I wanted to run. I’m glad I listened.
    If you are like my friend, Kate, in this place of pain wanting to run, I would ask you to do the same. Seek the heart of God on the matter. This is no easy task when you are tired of being hurt and exhausted from trying to do the right thing. It means laying down the desire to run, even the right to go. It means surrendering to the Lordship of Christ. What I am asking is no easy task. I see the fear on my friend’s face. “What if God asks me to stay?” I’m not sure I can take one more blow. I understand this fear.
    I can attest from the other side, that if God does, it will be because He knows the heart of your husband and He knows the healing that is possible. If healing isn’t possible, He will release you to go. So, as much as you can’t trust your husband or your own emotions right now, you can trust the One who will never leave you, hurt you, or lie to you. You can trust Christ. This is all I have to offer and He is all you need Married or divorced.

One Out Of One

Meg Wilson

    I’m sure it comes as no surprise that one out of one, yes every person born, will one day die. You might think, I don’t have to worry about that for years, but there is no real guarantee. I received an email today from a friend whose neighbor lost a child. Teens die in car accidents, and then there are illnesses. There’s so many ways we can die, it’s amazing any of us make it over the age of twenty.
    If you are thinking, “Gee Meg, this is a downer topic.” or “Can’t we talk about something lighter like sexual addiction.” Then you are like most people who want to live in denial. If I don’t think about it then it won’t happen. As one who had her own houseboat on the river “de-Nile” I understand this way of thinking. But as a woman striving to live in the arena of truth, addressing what’s on my heart is a must.
    My husband, Dave and I just got back from a week trip to North Carolina and Georgia. Dave’s sister, Linda has been battling cancer for over a year and was given months to live. We wanted to spend some quality time with her. Tell her how much she means to us and that we love her. We also needed to drive her to her other sister’s house in Georgia so Susan can care for her. She is 59 years young.
    It’s hard to put into words how awkward it is to talk about something as commonplace as dieing. I had no idea how she was feeling or what to say. So I said that. She proceeded to demonstrate amazing grace and courage. She doesn’t want to die, but is not afraid. She knows heaven awaits and loves the Lord. My heart ached at one level and was envious at another. She will most likely be face to face with Christ before I will.
    We watched her say goodbye to amazing friends and coworkers. They had loved and cared for Linda since she moved into their lives. She enjoyed the peak into the impact she has had on others, as folks were able to say their goodbyes. It struck me that we should all be intentional with our friends and family, leaving no words of love or encouragement unspoken. We never know when that good bye is the last.
    It struck me too that when the pressures of the world, and our own pain bog us down, it is easy to forget how temporary and fragile this life is. Linda left her home and almost all of her worldly goods to be sold at an estate sale. It struck me that the “stuff” we hold onto becomes insignificant yard sale fodder when we are gone. It was a good reminder and helped to put things into perspective.
    I just wanted to take this chance to say the obvious and speak about the inevitable. We will all die. Some of us have years and some months. Don’t worry about this truth, but let it be a constant reminder of the words you speak and the investments you make in that which really matters—the live of others. Go therefore and be Jesus to everyone He puts in your path. Remember too during this Lenten season the path Christ walked for you. The path of pain and death each of us deserve, He walked, so we wouldn’t have to.
This life is but a blip on the screen of eternity. He is risen!

Valentin's Schmalentine's

Meg Wilson

I guess the title of this blog gives away a bit of how I feel about this upcoming holiday. Let’s just say, I think Valentine’s Day is highly overrated especially by the card, candy, and jewelry companies. The worst part is how it can make those who are single, separated, and not in a “romantic” relationship feel “less than”.

So, for those of you who are still in love, after all your marriage or relationship has been through, Praise God. Then don’t forget every day to appreciate the person in your life who loves you. Trust me, one day a year won’t be enough to maintain a healthy marriage. In fact, love notes (hand made are much better than store bought), small gifts, and thoughtful acts of service should be a regular part of honoring those we love.

Now for those of you not in a relationship or in a particularly “lovey-dovey” place, fear not the 14th of February! It’s another day of life. So instead of obsessing about how unlike a romantic movie your life is, celebrate love. Take the day and dedicate it to the One who will never leave you of forsake you. Write a love note to your Prince of Peace who will one day come for you on a white horse. His name is Jesus.

Love isn’t a temporary feeling—It’s a person! Now that’s worth celebrating. Buy yourself that little something you want and then thank God for the gift. Let valentines’ Day be a yearly reminder of the ultimate sacrifice made just for you. This is the only love story that is truly happily ever after for eternity. Even the best marriage ends when one of the partners dies. God gave us marriage, as a picture of what life with Christ will be like. As with any picture it pails in comparison to the experience of the real thing.

Don’t get me wrong; I am a fan and a believer in the gift of marriage. I continue to work hard at it, because it helps me depend of Christ and it refines me. All those things that drive me crazy about my spouse are opportunities for me to grow. God does His best work through relationships. But as one who made her husband a god and her marriage an idol only to suffer the consequences, I understand the importance of keeping things in the proper perspective. I never again want anything to take a higher place or more energy than my relationship with Christ again.

So enjoy the holiday, one and all, because we are dearly and perfectly loved by an amazing God. The Mighty One who takes us in whatever state He finds us in and makes us new. I love that there is nothing I can do to lessen His love for me. He patiently waits to have time with me and then lavishes His love when I feel the least deserving. What a guy, what a God. Celebrate Jesus and celebrate true love this Valentine’s Day—It’s free!

Stay The Course

Meg Wilson

I have been in another season of shifting and growing. These times are never easy nor do I pray they end this side of eternity for they prove God’s hand of care and guidance on my life. In times of pain and discomfort I have learned to lean heavily into Christ’s strength as I feel mine so clearly waning. Now I am learning to lean into Him in the stillness when I don’t feel “productive,” (This comes from an old message from my youth and used to be the measure of my worth.) And I don't "feel" His presence. (I must know He is there.)

I received a prayer request from a fellow writer and I could see between the lines the struggle to stay on task. It reminded me that we are not alone and part of God’s hope for us is that we will spur one another on to love and good deeds. Much like the flying V of a flock of geese, sometimes I must fly upfront bearing the full force of the wind knowing I can not do it without God’s help. Then there are times I get to rest in the back row, but while I’m there my job is to raise my voice in a loud “honk” to encourage the ones up front.

I feel ready to fly back up to the front trusting that God’s revival of strength will carry me on to the next place of exhaustion. This may sound like and effort in futility, but I must never loose site of the miles being gained. The work we do for the Kingdom we take with us into eternity. Stay the course, it is the only work worth doing, this work of growing more like Christ.

I know many of you are weary from the journey. Your pain is real and not out of God’s view. Hang in there; rest is coming. May this note be your honk of encouragement. I know you are tired and not sure where you will land, but wait for the plan formulated before you were born. You can trust the One who made it all. I have learned that the plan is the process not just some end result.

A New Year!

Meg Wilson

I know some of you are thinking, "A new year, I need a new (fill in the blank)." I remember being in the midst of the darkness wondering what the next day would bring. So if you are in that place, I want to encourage you to hang on because a brighter day is coming!

I wish God would take me out of the furnace sometimes, but I know in hindsight, those were some of the most significant and life changing times because when there was nothing I could hold onto, there was always Christ. He would give me a glimmer of hope in His presence. I would pick up His Word and He would speak to my heart. And after many years ministering to other women going through pain, He does the same thing for them.

I have never seen a woman reach out in faith and be disappointed. So, this year make time with God a priority. Like brushing your teeth, don't go out without asking Christ to go before you. This isn't about checking off the "Quiet Time" box, it's about expecting to be with your Savior. He is always ready and waiting. Even if there is no revelation, He knows that you showed up.

Take baby steps of faith. Give Him your fears, emotions, and even your dreams. Then ask Him to show you His dreams for your life. I guarantee they will be far grander than the ones you have. Especially if you feel your dreams have been crushed, let Christ unfold new ones in your time with Him. One thing I know, He has a plan for you that is not thwarted by what your husband is or isn't doing. So step out this year and commit all that you are to Him. Then sit back and watch what He does.

I pray for every woman who is part of this journey of pain. My heart grieves for each of you and yet trusts that God will use the pain as a refining fire to make you more like Him. Take a moment to write about last year and how you are feeling and then re-visit your notes at the end of the year and see how far you have come. Make this a yearly time with God. I add my prayers to yours; may God bless your socks off and restore what the locusts have eaten!

Happy 2009!

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

Meg Wilson

Living in the Pacific Northwest means you may or may not get a white Christmas. After living most of my life in California, it's nice even to have the hope. I also like the fact that we never get enough to have to shovel! I am still in awe when that moment comes and all is quiet and the gentle flakes begin to fall. Even the ugliest junkyard looks magical after a dusting of snow.

I will never forget letting our black lab out to do her business after a snow. She circled and circled for a really long time unable to find a scent and a place to go. Nature eventually made it necessary for her to improvise, but I thought how God's grace is a lot like snow. It covers even the worst smells so even a dog can't find it!

Now that might seem somewhat base for some, but even Jesus used the common ordinary things to illustrate a point. So take advantage of this season of snow. If you can, go sledding, or throw a snowball (gently). Make some hot coco and then thank God that his grace is available every day and is sufficient. There is nothing he can't cover and nothing to big for his mighty arms. I, for one, want to rest there today. Let the snow begin!

Thank You, Lord!

Meg Wilson

With Thanksgiving fast approaching, I have been thinking about all the things I am thankful for. I had a call yesterday from a young gal who was fed up with her husband’s addiction and contemplating divorce. My heart ached at her pain and the all too familiar story. I understood her desire to be done. It wasn’t that long ago my heart was in the same place looking down the same dark road.

Not wanting to tell her what to do, yet wanting to give her another perspective, I shared, how seven years in the healing process has radically changed my view. I am in fact, thankful that God allowed this addiction to come into my marriage and life. I can only imagine how that must have sounded. I quickly added that my husband chose and continues to choose Christ and the path of health. If he had not, we would not be married today, but I would still be thankful for my new healthy relationship with Christ.

Please don’t stop reading and go away thinking this woman has lost her marbles. I don’t expect any woman to feel this way early on in the process. There is first a great deal of anger, loss, pain and work to go through. My hope and prayer is that if you are facing this holiday wondering if there is anything to be thankful for, believe that the Lord won’t leave you there wondering.

Pain is an amazing opportunity to experience God’s provision and love at deeper levels. God isn’t the good fairy who waves a wand and “poof” there is a new dress, coach, or prince. What He does is profoundly more amazing. He changes me in the midst of the unbearable circumstance. He strips away another layer of self-protection or denial and a new aspect of God’s gigantic character is revealed.

It’s scary to no longer be in control or worse, see that you never really were in control to begin with. It’s painful to see that ugliness that exists in my heart when I would rather point out the problem with my husband or someone else’s heart. Some of the hardest work has been to be totally honest with God about my anger, resentment and the ugly feelings only to learn that He’s waiting for me to share them as an act of trust and intimacy. It’s humbling to see a loving face and feel the gentle touch when I know how undeserved it really is. These things have changed me.

Every journey is different, but God is the same. This pain you are in is a holy opportunity to walk closer to God. Though He didn’t choose it, He will use it if you will let Him.
Even if you can’t be thankful for your current situation, make a sacrifice of praise and believe that God will take it and use it for His glory and thank Him today in faith.

Happy Thanksgiving, dear daughter’s of the King!

The Arena of Truth

Meg Wilson

The women who know me and have been through one of my groups are smiling at the title of this blog. This is a phrase I use a lot because it represents to me being centered in Christ, standing solidly on His Word. When I feel wobbly I know I have moved outside the safety of this arena.

Yesterday, I had the privilege of being a part of the "Betrayal Redeemed" Conference in Lake Oswego, OR. It was the second one and over 100 women who have been betrayed by their husband's sexual sin were able to come together and receive hope and help from others who have walked this journey of pain.

I taught a workshop on shame and was once again humbled at how the Lord works. The two workshops were the same information, but had a different feel each time. God met us there and touched the lives of the women present and renewed my passion again for hurting women. I can't tell you how amazing it is to be a witness and tool for God to work in another person's life. Every time I see a woman have an ah-ha or grab hold of His truth my faith soars.

I know how inadequate I am to do anything in the midst of such devastation, but all I do is show up out of obedience and bring my story and then God does the rest. When a person shares from their deepest pain it is a high privilege and so I say thank you. Not only to the women yesterday, but also to all of you who have shared your heart with me on this site or in an email.

I don't have all the answers, but I can and will always point you back to the One who does. Our God is so much bigger than we can imagine. Put your trust in Him and keep your eyes looking up because then your feet will be planted firmly in the arena of truth and your perspective will change. Stay in His word and let Him minister to your broken places for He knows better than anyone the pain of betrayal at the hands of those He loves!

Be honest about your feelings He knows them anyway and this is an act of trust and worship. It will build intimacy and trust. In the arena we must also be honest about our situation. Tell God how difficult it is and how angry you are. He can take it. Not only that, He can use it to propel you forward in health and healing. Hiding keeps us in the dark.

There will be a similar conference Near Seattle, WA in January. For more information go to www.nationalcoalition.org/seattle.asp. Pray with me for more of these conferences to take place. Women all over this nation are hurting in isolation. I pray this site provides even a glimmer of hope and the truth that you are not alone! There is a growing sisterhood and there is power in pointing others to the arena of truth where real and positive change takes place.

Fireproof!

Meg Wilson

Last night my husband and I went to the movie, "Fireproof" and we were amazed at what we saw, I have to be honest I assumed it would be, well a B movie. Boy was I wrong. The acting was better than I expected and so were the special effects.

More amazing than that was the movie did an excellent job of showing were pride, anger, lust, and even being vulnerable can take us. I don't want to give away too much of the plot, but the main character is facing a possible divorce and dealing with looking at porn on the internet as well as wrestling with the idea of faith.

This movie pulls not punches and doesn't wrap up these serious issues with a quick fix. I love that the wife didn't forgive right away like a good Christian girl. There was much honesty and vulnerability in every character. I would recommend getting out to see this as soon as possible. It had already done far better than anyone in Hollywood ever expected--Yea God!

Another day!

Meg Wilson

Well, It is another day here in the Pacific Northwest and this one has been mostly sunny. I love how amazing it is after a few days of clouds and rain. Everything looks fresh and clean and my attitude is lighter. It's a lot like life. There are seasons and days full of cold darkness followed by warm light.

For so long I wondered and prayed, "How can I stay in the sun?" Of course there are places with much less rain, but they don't have all the green trees! I've stopped praying that prayer because It is clear that I need both the storms and the sunshine in order to see the significance of each. What I pray now is, "Lord help me not to lose my way in the storm."

I don't know about you, but if the darkness lingers, I start questioning what I once knew to be true. Like somehow the darkness is all my fault, this one won't end, or God can't see me here. Oh how the enemy feeds the lies in that place. He will take that first inkling of doubt and add to it and work at it until I have wondered a great distance. Why is it so hard to believe that God loves me. Really, just as I am, knowing all the darkness that is in my heart and all my mistakes. Yet He loves me still.

I have heard over and over about His unconditional love. I understand that grace is unmerited favor. I can't earn it, yet I still try.

I'm sure there is noting new in this little note, but I am coming back to it again. Weeping that God is patiently willing to show me once again how true it is. He never moved away--I did for a time and it feels so good to be home and know I don't have to DO anything but rest in Him. Oh that I can stay here and tomorrow is just another day with Him!

I'm Back!

Meg Wilson

I’m sorry it has been too long since my last post. My plan was to write more often. I had visions of growing threads and building an online community. Then life hit.

Coming out of a couple of tough months, I have learned a lot and been reminded again of the importance of staying connected to Christ and remaining in the arena of truth. Sadly, I slowly wandered back to my codependent cave.

Our oldest daughter’s wedding this spring was a wonderful celebration of two young lives becoming one new family. After all the work, there is a natural let down. Then it was back home to financial worries. My husband, Dave, who thankfully no longer medicates, had to cope with the stress which left no energy for us. Add to that a family blow out on my side and the cumulative effect was a wedge between me & Dave and Me & God.

This was a slow and subtle process I am only now seeing through hindsight. I gradually slipped into a pity-party and soon started making hats and streamers. All the while I called out to God for help. The amazing thing is that He met me. He placed me in a new Bible study group, then my husband and I went back to our counselor, and I attended a wonderful woman’s conference. All the pieces built on each other like stepping stones leading back home. I wept at the lost ground and His amazing grace.

I had slipped back into focusing on what my husband was not doing, to meet my needs, grow fast enough in the Lord, or connect at a heart level. My hope had shifted from God back to my husband. No one can offer the hope of God nor stand up to the expectations to be God by another. I guess this battle for health will continue until the day I die. I only hope I can recognize sooner when old patterns return and remember heaven is not here and I will never be married to Jesus, but I am with the man He chose for me.

Now there are still financial pressures and stress, because we are still breathing, but they are much smaller in the light of Jesus. I’ve got my hope back and I believe God has a plan for this ministry, Dave, and me.

So please register and add your two cents to our forums, share your stories, and then send me your ideas for topics. I am adding a new thread to bounce and idea off you. I am praying about offering a safe place to process. It seems like having someone you could talk to via Ichat, skype, or the phone might be of service. I would charge by the hour and then set aside time each week to listen, chat and pray with you. Let me know what you think. In the meantime I am looking into the legalities and logistics.

Thanks for your patience, until next time!

An Encouraging Letter

Meg Wilson

One of the aspects of the new site I was most excited about was the member registration. To be able to create and offer an online community where women could find and support each other would address a felt need. I have heard from many of you that there is nothing in your area and/or you have no one to talk to. It seems the technology demon was hard at work. It looks like we are ready to go now.

I will send out and email notice the problem is fixed. If you have not contacted me through the website or received and email from me and you would like to be on my list, then contact me and I will add your name. Thanks for your patience!

What I wanted to share with you in this blog is a letter sent to me from a gal who has been on the healing journey for several years. In the process of her husband’s healing, he sent her a wonderful letter and they gave me permission to share it with you.

I get asked a lot, “How will I know when my husband gets better?” This letter is a touching example of the humility and intimacy that should grow over time. Not every woman will get such beautiful and tangible evidence, but please listen to the heart behind the words.

Though I never received such a letter, over the last several years every line has been lived out or expressed in some other way. There should be less defensiveness, a growing desire to understand the addiction, and a desire to draw closer to the God who heals. I pray this letter will bless you, as it did me. (Names have been changed.)

Cindy,

     It's been a long time since I wrote you...I'm sorry. Even as I write those words "I'm sorry", it doesn't seem like enough.
     The fact of the matter is, you have suffered...alone, and for many years. You have endured great emotional pain, physical abuse, fear for your children, neglect, and lies to say a few. All this from the hands of someone you trusted most in life. All of this from someone who promised to honor and protect you from such things. All of this from me.
     You wanted to know why sometimes I cry after we make love? It's because I realize that there's a woman who has sacrificed everything, who has endured evil from the man she loves and still gives herself to me. It's hard to deal with because I never wanted to be the villain! I love you too much and it hurts to know that I did this to you and the kids. It's difficult to accept more from you when I owe so much!
     The reason for this letter is to confess my sins to you. I have been unfaithful in our marriage. Even though I have not had intercourse or kissed another woman, my thoughts and my heart would contradict that. But you know my story...you've always known.
     I have never visited prostitutes on the street, but I've paid money to view porn [and strippers]...I know now that there is no difference. Your pain is real! You are not crazy!
     I once believed the opposite...how else could I cover my shame! I imposed my "double" life on you, and convinced you to support me and my habits. That is and was wrong! I'm sorry. I love you very much!
I lied to others, our friends, our family, and often made you look bad, so I wouldn't. Again, to hide the truth. I'm sorry!
     About 8 months ago I started on this journey to get healthy. As you already know, F.M.O. has helped me open my eyes. It's the choices that I make every day that make a difference...and I choose you! I choose to honor and protect you. I choose to love you. I choose to be as selfless as I can for you. I choose your lovely body. I choose your perfect looks. I choose your style, flair, skin color, smell. I choose you. I forsake all others!
     I choose to be a moral, healthy and Godly man. I choose to be a good father and provider for my children. I choose to be a teacher and to learn. I choose to help with daily chores. I choose to be patient and forgiving. I choose life. I choose our marriage. I choose to be happy and I accept my life the way it is without medication. I accept "Life on life's terms"

I love you.

J

Hope After Betrayal Launches Blog!

Meg Wilson

Those who have been partners as well as new comers, I am excited by the recent changes to our website. My hope and my heart is that women who have been injured by their partners sexual addiction have a safe place to come and connect with other women and realize that we are a growing community of shared pain. Be sure to add your name to our membership list.

I wish this was not the case, but after over six years of ministering in this area, I have seen too much to minimize this growing problem. The good news is God is bigger still!

My goal with the blog is to share what I am learning on this continuing journey to health and wholeness. As I get new information, and find help, I want you to benefit.

For this first post, it made sense to share one of the first revelations after finding out about my husband’s addiction. After the amazing reality that God would meet me personally and intimately in my pain, He encouraged me not to hide. He knew I needed the encouragement that having other women in similar situations could provide.

I remember the first time, in a small group of ladies, I felt His prompting, my heart was beating and I knew he wanted me to be honest and vulnerable. These were women I could trust. I fought the feeling at first. I was afraid of how the information would be perceived. I was protective of my husband’s reputation.

God has a sense of humor and the more I tried to talk around the true issue, the more I backed myself into a corner. Finally, I said the word “Pornography” and three of the six ladies stared to cry. No one was judgmental and we all walked away having been encouraged by each other. Over and over, God has put me in situations and then asked me to be vulnerable. Every time He works in an amazing way. I often wonder at what it would have been like had I not opened up that first time.

I will say a word of caution at this point. It is essential that we be careful to speak only when God prompts us to. Not all groups or people are safe or ready to hear the truth. Be sure to proceed with caution, but when you hear His voice and are afraid, remember His love for you and His desire for truth. If you aren’t a little afraid, it might be your idea instead.

You don’t have to write a book, but God does want us to reach out to each other and spur one another on to love and good deeds. For those of us who have been betrayed this is a huge faith step, so let God guide the process!